Pop culture is in such a fun place right now! I love grunge music and fashion, but honestly, nothing is more infectious than a bouncy pop number about going out and gettin’ crazy with your girls. Songs that reference partying, dancing and boozing will always have their spot on the charts because that’s what we like to hear when we’re celebrating. And since most party people are in their sexual prime, a big chunk of this culture celebrates the single ladies with an active social life, and supports the choice of casual sex on your own terms. And that’s great! Sexual Revolution FTW!
Even if riding solo can have its ups and downs, the fantasy of the empowered single female is alive and thriving. But there’s another type of sex life that some people want, and it’s usually portrayed without a hint of glamour. If casual sex is sparkly stilettos, then monogamy is stinky, worn-out tennis shoes (that are really comfortable!).
The media typically portrays monogamous sex, especially in the context of traditional marriage, as monotonous and tedious. It’s all sweatpants and routine, at best. We’re told the fun sex fades away, and something that’s more of a friendly or playful intimacy takes its place. That, or television. And television just portrays more married couples not having sex.
People don’t really talk about their sex lives, especially when it’s someone they love, because it’s too damn private. And the people with the healthiest sex lives are usually the last ones to talk about it, which prevents younger people from understanding what exactly a healthy monogamous sex life looks like. Divorce rates are higher than ever, but so are our cultural references to partying and fun, casual sex, and YOLOing. Marriage is of course celebrated in a traditional sense, but so much of getting married is equated with “settling down” because monogamous sex is packaged as such a stone-cold bummer. When you think of young (or young-ish) people having a fun night at the clurrb, then heading home for a night of fun sex, you NEVER think of married people. I mean really, when is the last time you heard a song about poppin’ bottles and gettin’ crazy with your husband?
Enter: BEYONCE, THE QUEEN B. The dopest wifey on the block, who is so drunk and hot for her husband that she wrote a whole damn song about it. What Sex and the City did for dating and casual sex, Bey and Jay are doing for monogamy. They are portraying it with diamonds and champagne, cars and lingerie, fancy and fierce.
This POV needs to exist because people have to stop equating monogamy with boring sex! It makes young people think they have to give up a fun, exciting sex life in order to have a relationship with someone they love. And although no aspect of anyone’s life will ever be perfect, having a visual (or musical) reference for one’s aspirations is encouraging. Who knows what Jay and Bey’s life is really like, but they are a powerhouse couple advocating for glamorously monogamous sex – showing how much glitzy fun you can have with your spouse even if you work crazy hours and have a kid. Of course every aspect of their life looks like a fantasy, but just like we need to see a hard-working woman from Houston win a Grammy and grace the cover of Vogue, we need to see her celebrating a strong marriage with a dope sex life to boot. Because it reminds us that we can have that, or at least strive for it.
I love pop culture, but I can’t think of any other couple really packaging and celebrating monogamy like this. Can you? I want more positive sexual role models!
Featured image via SouthernNews