Krista Jensen
Updated Jan 08, 2017 @ 6:26 am
Advertisement
Donald Trump Campaigns In Golden, Colorado
Credit: Chip Somodevilla / Getty Images

“Sad!” — it’s replaced the “God Bless America” that one might expect to punctuate the tweets made by our next president. But maybe if we squint hard enough and forget some stuff, we can make ourselves believe that this Twitter account which rewrites Trump’s tweets to sound like a mature grown-up wrote them, is what’s real. File it under wishful thinking, these tweets reflect professionally on the issues that really matter and not so much, say, how Arnold’s Apprentice ratings were way, way lower than the Pres-Elect’s. Enjoy these parody tweets while they last (hopefully a quick, peaceful four years), and try not to focus on just how easy it could be for Trump to actually tweet similarly to whoever’s behind this parody account.

A small glimmer of hope? This account could be run by Mike Pence. We don’t know. (Eh, probably not.)

While we’re jealous of this meeting with Ms. Wintour, there are under two weeks till this man is sworn in as President. Here’s what he could have said:

trump-tweet-1-e1483850593953.png
Credit: twitter / @MatureTrumpTwts

Here’s what the *SECOND* Apprentice tweet (you read that right, and yes, we are doomed) could have sounded like:

trump-tweet-2-e1483850752497.png
Credit: twitter / @MatureTrumpTwts

Psst, you can follow “Presidential Trump” at @MatureTrumpTwts:

trump-tweet-3-e1483850782510.png
Credit: twitter / @MatureTrumpTwts

Instead of “I like her because she likes me!” this tweet could have read:

trump-tweet-4-e1483850805709.png
Credit: twitter / @MatureTrumpTwts

This is one is especially diplomatic:

trump-tweet-5-e1483850873213.png
Credit: twitter / @MatureTrumpTwts

Can we elect whoever’s writing these tweets? Is that you, Hillary?

trump-tweet-6-e1483850930619.png
Credit: twitter / @MatureTrumpTwts

Here’s a rewrite that’s poignant and just so, so good:

trump-tweet-7-e1483851039998.png
Credit: twitter / @MatureTrumpTwts

This *clap* is *clap* how *clap* a *clap* President *clap* should *clap* sound:

trump-tweet-8-e1483851111332.png
Credit: twitter / @MatureTrumpTwts

The satirical account is affixed with a very presidential photo of a man with no insecure comb-over, but a very presidential skin-colored bald head. We are so glad that, along with thousand of other followers, we are able to find some joy in the online rantings of Donald Trump. Here’s just one more tweet that our next Prez could match tonally if he really wanted to:


Just saying.