jessica tholmer
September 29, 2014 12:43 pm

Bill Murray is our greatest living actor, and I’m not the only person who thinks so. Someone actually made a T-shirt covered in Billy Murray heads to drive the point home. For real though, I know Murray is kind of a “cult classic” guy now, like Jeff Goldblum or Nic Cage (though he’s that for a very different reason), I have loved him for a long time and I’m ready to do this. So, let’s.

Happy belated birthday, best man ever. I legit don’t want to talk to people who don’t have positive things to say about Bill Murray.

EINTKILF Bill Murray Characters

1. Sad clowns are real things – Quick Change

Bank Guard: What the hell kind of clown are you?
Grimm: The crying-on-the-inside kind, I guess.

Without being too depressing, I am just noting right here that I know a lot of “comedians” that have the sad-clown stigma to them, namely two of my exes, and also a lot of famous comedians that I did not date, and that I will not name, but that I will imprint in your mind psychologically by bringing up the fact that sometimes the most hilarious people are human too. Ok, moving on because I hate this subject.

2. Keep your moves up-to-date – Ghostbusters II

Dana: OK, but after dinner, don’t put any of those old cheap moves on me. It’s different now.
Peter: Oh, no. I have all new cheap moves.

Raise your hand if you have fallen for the cheap moves from the same person at two different times in your life? Don’t leave me hanging, y’all.

3. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need – Groundhog Day

Phil: Can I have another one of these with some booze in it?

You guys, I just read a really depressing story from The New York Times about the death of Chuck today, and I hated it, and it made me sad, but then I also thought about the movie, so I guess it was a roller coaster of emotion, as are most things in my life. I could make one million and a half points about the lessons in Groundhog Day, but mostly I need you to know that I often ask this question, so Phil and I are kindred.

Well, and the whole “I’ve Got You Babe” thing. That song is definitely my jam, and I have a really weird Sonny Bono story that I can’t tell the masses. Ask me IRL.

4. How to fight – The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

Steve Zissou: You never say, ‘I’m gonna fight you, Steve.’ You just smile and act natural, and then you sucker-punch him.”

I mean, good life advice, to be real with you. I am pretty sure one of my brothers told me this at some point. And I was also taught not to tuck my thumb in when you punch someone because I will break my thumb. It has come in handy, obviously. I am always punching people.

5. Too much work makes you grumpy – Groundhog Day

Phil: I think people place too much emphasis on their careers. I wish we could all live in the mountains at high altitude.”

Jobs are jobs, and people are people, and especially in this day-and-age, no one should be defined by where their paycheck comes from. I get made fun of sometimes because I don’t know my friends’ majors, or their job titles, but I really don’t care that much. My first boyfriend majored in something like finance? Or business? And why does that matter, when I remember the color of his eyes, and his sister’s name, and the things he wanted out of his life? You know what I mean? Maybe I am reading too deep into a Groundhog Day quote, but this is where my mind goes.

6. Don’t bother having rules – Ghostbusters

Peter: I make it a rule never to get involved with possessed people. Actually, it’s more of a guideline than a rule.

I mean, in general, laying out “rules” for dating is dumb because I have dated a whole slew of people that break my rules, and not in a cute way. Guidelines, though, I am super into.

7. There are two types of people in the world – What About Bob?

Bob: . . .those who like Neil Diamond, and those who don’t. My ex-wife loves him.

For the record, I love Neil Diamond, and also for the record, What About Bob? is my favorite Bill Murray movie, even over all of his deep-ish, and even over all of his incredible Wes Anderson performances. I am a loyalist, and What About Bob? has been one of my three favorite comedies since I was a child. I briefly considered naming my child “Siggy” when I was young, and when I say “briefly,” I mean I haven’t had kids yet, you’re welcome future-baby-daddy!

Mr. Murray, thanks for being the best.

Featured image via, Ghostbusters II image via, Zissou image via, Moonrise image via, What About Bob via.
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