Jessica Ellis
February 13, 2016 8:37 am
NBC

Have you got that pink-frosted sugar cookie snack handy? Swirled your latte foam into a perfect heart? Well, PUT THOSE DOWN RIGHT NOW. Choking is a serious hazard and you will ruin your computer if you spit latte foam all over it from laughter (Don’t ask us how we know.)

We’re going to share a video with you that will make you laugh, possibly to the point of tears, and also start to put some serious thought into upping your flirt game for Valentine’s Day. We’re not kidding around here: prepare yourself, gird your loins- seriously, put down that cookie- and watch the pure magically joy of a compilation of Leslie Jones hitting on Saturday Night Live Weekend Update host Colin Jost:

There are many lessons we can learn from this important instructional video. First, do not ever attempt to call Leslie Jones (or anyone) a delicious chocolate anything without prior permission, ideally secured in writing and re-checked on a frequent basis.

Second, watch how adorable Colin Jost is during each of these cuts. He knows it’s a gag, probably has heard it eight times in rehearsal, but he does seem to get just a tiny bit blushy every time! This is a man who has been waiting to be called a “delicious marshmallow” his whole life.

Third, if the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, food metaphors are clearly the way to go. Whether it’s a “frothy glass of eggnoooog,” a “creamsicle,” or a “sexy vanilla muffin,” we’re not entirely sure whether Ms. Jones wants food or sex more- but both sound good to us!

Fourth and finally, sometimes you have to dispense with the metaphor and just go for it. Flirting is a confusing business, and there comes a moment when you have to lay your cards on the table. In fact, why have we not seen “I want to have sexuals with you!” on a candy heart yet?

Thanks Leslie Jones, Empress of Flirting, for showing us all how it’s done.

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