jessica tholmer
Updated June 12, 2015 9:58 am
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You. Guys. I have a very heavy heart, but I need to tell you something. Monica Geller is my last Friend to write about. That’s right. Rachel, Joey, Ross, Chandler, and Phoebe have all been written about in the ol’ EINTKILF. I have even written about Ross and Rachel, and Thanksgiving episodes, but it is finally time to wrap up my best friends and represent Mrs. Monica Geller-Bing. Why today? Why finally now? Well, today is Courteney Cox‘s birthday, and there is no better time to celebrate such a pivotal member of my favorite television show. Shall we?

EINTKILF Monica Geller

1. Be the glue.
There is a lot of debate around the Friends characters–who is the funniest, who is your favorite, which Friends are the closest, who is the hottest, etc, etc, etc. There is one question that leaves zero room for debate, however. Who is the glue of the Friends group? Everyone who has ever seen even three episodes of this show knows that Monica is the glue that holds everyone together. In fact, the group is built around her, entirely. It is her best friend (Rachel), her former roommate (Phoebe), her nerdy big brother (Ross, obviously), her future husband (Chandler), and her, well, her Joey. Not only is Monica “always the hostess” (Thanksgiving, her apartment as the hangout in general) but she thrives on being there for everyone, all of the time. I am a Rachel through and through, but tbh, I am the glue in all of my friend groups, soooooo I might have to claim a bit of Monica right now.

2. Laugh at yourself.
Though Monica is incredibly put together, even in the younger seasons, she has no problem mocking herself along with all of her loved ones. She acknowledges and jokes about her parents’ favoritism for her big brother, she jokes about her bad dates / boyfriends, and she has no problem mocking her career choices. The literal meaning of life is finding the heart to make fun of yourself. The quicker you know this, the better.

3. Date around a lot.
Before Monica is with Chandler, she has plenty of dating experience to speak to, which I actually think is super important. Don’t get me wrong—I love a Cory and Topanga type love story—but I am much more in line with a Friend than any other television show. Falling in love young and sticking it out is really special, but having the ability to talk about stuff like Paul the Wine Guy and Fun Bobby is super beneficial. Though I don’t have a lot of funny nicknames for my ex-whatevers, I do have plenty to talk about. It’s character building, y’all.

4. Breakups are life.
And when Monica does finally fall in real, true love, she is so herself, which is incredibly important. No, I am not referring to Chandler, though obviously Monica does not have to pretend to be anyone but herself with Chandler either. I am referring to Richard, who I believe was Monica’s first big, real love. (Could be debatable—come at me!) There is something about that first, big love, even if you end up with someone else. I am not anti-Chandler and Monica in anyway, I just believe that without Richard, Monica would have never been with Chandler. I personally believe that it is best to have a big, vulnerable, life-changing love that doesn’t work out. Why? So you can think about him/her whenever you hear “All Too Well”? YES and because it makes you a grown-up. Monica and Richard break up when Mon is super young honestly, and it kind of opens her up to the next big thing. Which, I guess we are all kind of waiting for, yeah?

5. Being stubborn is OK.
Monica is stubborn and kettles are black and kittens are cute and Sam Smith’s acoustic covers make me cry and Leonardo DiCaprio’s flippy bangs are better than his man bun. These are a few things that are considered FACTS, you guys. But being stubborn is okay. I’m gonna tell you guys a secret–we are all super stubborn. I know, right? It’s crazy. Monica epitomizes stubborn (and opinionated, and strong, and secure) and all of those things are okay to be. Just own it and move on with your day. Your friends (and Friends) will love you anyway.

6. Controlling people are just doing what they are supposed to do.
So besides being stubborn, Monica is kind of a control freak. Liiiiike the kind of control freak that sends her friends into a spiral if the ottoman is not placed in its proper position at the end of the day. Hey, you know what, though? Controlling people are just fulfilling their role in life. Everyone needs a controlling friend, otherwise how would stuff get done? How would dinner get made? How would weekend plans come together? Bless the Monicas in your life. You all know you need them.

7. Protect your heart.
When Monica and Chandler start hooking up, we are all super stoked because those episodes are the best, but also, Monica is basically just protecting herself. Not only is it super annoying to fall in like/love with someone in your friend group (insert hand raising emoji), but it is complicated! It gets really tough when you have to think about yourself and the person you are hooking up with and four of your damn friends. Ultimately, none of us ever know how things are going to end up with anyone, so protecting yourself for awhile is an alright idea, folks. Even if it includes like…holding your breath in a bubble bath so your dude’s roommate doesn’t know you are there.

8. Cleaning is fun.
….I mean, I don’t actually believe this lesson, but I do like when things are clean! I just wish it would magically happen. I am not a Monica or a Danny Tanner in this aspect at. all.

9. Winning isn’t everything.
Because sometimes Paul Rudd is just better at table tennis than you are, and that is perfectly okay. To Monicas, winning really is everything, so I apologize to those of you that I have offended with this lesson. Here’s the deal though: winning doesn’t matter. Being good at some stuff and not good at other things is just a part of life. Ease up. Let your hair down. Chill.

10. Being high-maintenance is the best kind of maintenance.
Because Chandler telling Monica that he likes to maintain her is basically the sweetest thing ever. It is a very When Harry Met Sally moment, and I think about it every time I start to have feelings for someone. “Is this the guy who will like to maintain me?”

Because I’m high-maintenance but I think I’m low-maintenance. The worst kind.

Monica, I just love you.

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