Everything I Need to Know, I Learned From 'Bridget Jones' Diary'
Dudes, did you know that it is Hugh Grant’s birthday today, and Colin Firth’s birthday tomorrow? I mean, what are the chances that two of the best British rom-com leads have birthdays right next to each other? I mean, maybe the chances are high, but it still makes me really happy.
Obviously, this is the perfect week for this.
EINTKILF Bridget Jones’ Diary
1. Men wearing reindeer jumpers have no right to be rude to ladies
I will go out on a limb here and say that I basically never think men have the right to be rude to ladies, but maybe I am biased here. Regardless, Mark Darcy is such a jerk when he meets Bridge, and though he apologizes later, he should have maybe not been a tool in the first place.
“I realize that when I met you at the turkey curry buffet, I was unforgivably rude, and wearing a reindeer jumper.” Mark Darcy
2. Don’t involve yourself (romantically, at least) with the following types of humans
“. . .alcoholics, workaholics, sexaholics, commitment-phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional f***wits, or perverts.”
And, as Bridget promises herself, definitely do not fantasize about someone who embodies all of those qualities. Raise your hand if you have been with a person like that! No one? Proud of you guys.
Emotional f-wits were kind of my specialty for a long time. I feel that I’ve moved on.
3. Wear your granny panties with pride
No shame in that game, y’all. Comfort is important.
4. Make goals for yourself
If you have not read the Bridget Jones book(s), I highly encourage you to do so, though the movies are incredibly charming and pretty true to the books. The main reason I suggest reading the books is because I love reading books written in journal/diary form, and it always inspires me to write more. That being said, I set goals for myself every year, and they are usually pretty on par with Bridget’s, though I long ago stopped writing “lose 20 pounds” because I worked on body acceptance and love instead of beating myself up for not fitting into society’s idea of perfection, but anywayyyyy. I digress, kinda. I think goals are important, especially goals like “stop smoking cigarettes” and “stop dating idiots,” so. Try it out.
I didn’t make goals this year. As I told a room full of people I don’t like, “My goal is to not set goals because New Year’s Resolutions are stupid.” I was just trying to be mean to the people I was forced to be around. I really do like New Year’s Resolutions.
5. “It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going okay, another falls spectacularly to pieces.”
Totally. ‘Cause I love everything in my life right now except my job, and I swear to god two months ago, it was the total opposite. Meh, you win some/you lose some.
6. Cope with your problems responsibly
“I have two choices: to give up and accept a permanent state of spinsterhood and eventually be eaten by alsatians, or not. And this time I choose not. I will not be defeated by a bad man and an American stick insect! Instead, I choose vodka. And Chaka Khan.”
I suppose I should suggest choosing something other than drinking your sorrows away. At least grab some friends first? And definitely Chaka Khan.
7. Try to stay sober at work parties
And try to never sing “Without You” at karaoke.
8. Men fighting over you is stupid
No matter how flattering it may seem, you guys!! Yes, that is a two-exclamation-point situation. I am the absolute worst and I used to always want men to fight over me so I could pull a Jasmine and be like, “I’m not your prize, idiots!” but then when I was actually put in that situation, I just hated it. Luckily, I don’t really date people who would get into a physical fight with basically anyone ever so I have never had to endure the window-smashing-fist-fight thing, but passive aggressive I-know-her-better arguments are almost as bad. I hated it both times, and to be perfectly honest, the guy who knows you best or loves you most should have absolutely no reason to prove it by punching another human.
That all being said, I am still totally down with my honor being defended by my man. That is something that rarely happens in my life because, turns out, I seem like I can stand up for myself (and I always do), but that does not mean I don’t love it when it happens. This isn’t even a significant-other situation. I love when my friends stand up for me, too. Warms my big ol’ heart.
9. Nice boys are alright
Bridget: Wait a minute. . .nice boys don’t kiss like that.
Mark: Oh, yes, they f***ing do.
I had a guy tell me once that nice guys aren’t going to push you up against the wall and kiss you, and that I would eventually get bored with the nice guy. I am here to say, from experience, that this is absolutely not true. Nice guys certainly can kiss just fine.
We are all a little Bridget, aren’t we?