Rachel Paige
January 23, 2015 8:53 am

Jennifer Lopez (or, JLo, or Jenny From the Block, whatever you prefer) has a brand new movie coming out today that looks crazy insane in a good way. It’s a thriller, but with a steamy forbidden love story wrapped up in there, and it’s got Ryan Guzman who has been in the Step Up movies AND PLL. Who wants to catch the matinee showing of JLo’s The Boy Next Door with me?

Even though this is a brand new movie that JLo can add to her growing film library, it looks like it’s going to include a bunch of JLo tropes that we know and love. Not only will she have a killer wardrobe and be taken for ride by a handsome, but untrustworthy stranger, she’ll probably end up fighting back in a super kick-ass way (the trailer suggest that she totally punches someone).

These are just assumptions we’re making, based largely on her body of work in the past. Yes, there exists a JLo genre and we’re fans. Here are a few defining features:

JLo meets the perfect guy, right as she’s given up on love

Ugh, don’t you just hate it when you decide that you’re giving up on love, and tell all your friends that you’re giving up on love, and then the perfect guy comes along? It’s the worst when you’re thinking about how happy you and Netflix will be for the rest of your lives together, when in swoops Mr. Perfect, even though you’ve made it clear that you’re done with dating.

And, JLo has done this in: The Wedding Planner, when she gives up on dreamy Matthew McConaughey and decides to marry Massimo to please her father. It also happens in The Back-Up Plan, when she’s so over love and ops for artificial insemination instead, and then meets the perfect guy. She also sort of gives up on love in Shall We Dance, but in this case she’s really too busy/over dating all together.

JLo decides she wants to raise a baby on her own.

As if meeting Mr. Right at the wrong time isn’t enough, how about meeting Mr. Right when there’s a baby involved? Once again, The Back-Up Plan, in which she gets pregnant and then a hot second later meets Alex O’Loughlin. Then, in What To Expect When You’re Expecting, she’s got her Mr. Right, but he’s a big child and not ready to raise a baby — so she decides to just adopt one on her own. Badass.

JLo get wrapped up in a lie that just gets out of hand.

Oh gosh, there are so many lies in so many JLo movies. Where to begin? There’s the lie about her job in Maid in Manhattan. There’s the lie that she’s previously met Matthew McConaughey in The Wedding Planner. She doesn’t tell Stan right away about the baby in The Back-Up Plan. Gigli has all sorts of lies (and double crosses).

Somebody has a fake identity.

JLo pretends to be a rich socialite in Maid in Manhattan. She takes on a fake identity in Enough to avoid her abusive husband. There’s also a fake identity theme in Angel Eyes, but it’s not JLo’s thing. It’s Catch, OK? Sorry for the spoiler, but come on, you’ve seen this movie.

JLo has second thoughts about a wedding.

She calls off the wedding to Massimo in The Wedding Planner (which is weird, because it’s a movie all about weddings!). Then, she almost calls off her wedding to Kevin in Monster-in-Law.

JLo attends a wedding! (SO many weddings).

When JLo’s not busy being the bride, she’s busy attending literally everyone’s wedding. JLo attends her grandmother’s wedding in The Back-Up Plan. She attends her parents’ wedding vow renewal in Angel Eyes. And that’s not counting the surplus of weddings featured in The Wedding Planner. She’s a good guest, what?

And there’s always law enforcement JLo.

She plays a US Marshall in Out of Sight (that’s the one with George Clooney), and then a police officer in Angel Eyes. And she really takes the law into her own hands in Enough. Badass.

And, usually, the movie poster implies that she’s staring at something on the ceiling.

Regardless, though, her hair game will always be on point. Bring on the JLo movies. We will watch ALL of them.

(Images via herehere, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, herehere.)

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