Elena Sheppard
April 12, 2015 5:55 am

Veep fans, let’s talk. Tonight season four of the show that makes me cry-laugh-like-none-other begins, and with our beloved VP now serving as (temporary) Madame President there is a whole new set of series hurdles to jump. This is the promise I make to you: those hurdles are hilarious, and Selina Meyer’s ragtag team taking over the Oval Office is about as precarious and giggle-worthy as a boozy Jenga game. Dan is there, Mike is too, Amy is slowly unraveling as ever, and Sue is the rudder keeping the ship headed in the right direction. And Gary, sweet bag man Gary, is there doing his Gary-thing, and winning me entirely over like he always manages to do.

Let’s get into it about my forever-crush, Gary, for a second. Gary has been by Selina’s side as her bag man for two decades. Which means, now he’s a man in his 40s, doing a job better suited to a kid in his 20s, and living his life (essentially) as Selina’s shadow. If you watch the show, you know what Gary’s job is: it is to anticipate Selina’s needs and deliver. It is to bring coffee, and distribute hand sanitizer and set up step stools, and brief her on the names of the senators approaching her at cocktail parties. Gary is earnest, and loyal, and endearing, and all of those attributes are even more hilariously incongruous when put in the context of the hyper-competitive political battleground of Washington, DC. As Tony Hale (who plays Gary) told Rolling Stone, Gary “is a lap dog stuck in a pack of alpha dogs.” But that’s what makes him so special to this show. He lives to serve Selina, and he provides the series with heart, while (naturally) winning over ours.

Without giving too much away about this new season I will say that Gary finds himself at a crossroads. Now that Selina is president she 1. Needs Gary less. And 2. Is forced to do more without him, as he’s not allowed in a lot of classified meetings she goes to. The result is Gary in a bit of an identity crisis, and me, as a viewer, reflecting even more heavily on all the ways Gary is irreplaceable and oh-so-worthy of all those hardcore viewer crush feelings.

So let’s fangirl over Gary for a minute. He gets so little recognition from Selina, that it only feels right that we give him the props he deserves. Here are just a few of the reasons that Gary makes my Veep heart beat.

He takes his job endearingly seriously.

Gary is a bag man, and while some bag men might approach said job with sights set on rising to a higher position, Gary takes care of Selina and his bag (the Leviathan) because that is his role, his aspiration, and his calling. He knows that Leviathan inside and out and can snatch out eye drops, tissues, and power bars faster than you can say, “did the president call?” How can you not fall for a person who so passionately loves what he does? And, how can you fault a person who has openly said VP stands for “very precious.” He also really FEELS his role and how important he is. As he once told Dan, “I am her moon.”

He really truly believes in Selina’s goodness.

While the rest of Selina’s team seems to understand that she’s uhhhhhhh not that great, Gary adores her and really believes that under her exquisite tailoring is a heart of gold. How do we know that? Because when Selina makes Gary promises (even when heavily drugged) he believes them. He believes she’ll go to his parents 40th wedding anniversary, he believes she’ll like his cheese-yielding girlfriend Dana. Alas to both, but gotta love him for always looking at that glass half full.

He is the definition of loyalty.

Remember that time there was some sort of flu circling Washington and in order to keep Selina from catching it, Gary took a sneeze bullet for her? Yeah. Just that.

He is filled with knowledge that no one else in the world has. 

He calls it “Gary-oke” and Selina would be lost without it. Gary-oke is when Gary stands behind Selina during social functions and whispers important information about the people approaching her into her ear. Things like “He’s got a glass eye,” and “Just had triplets,” “he’s with his wife, not daughter, wife not daughter.” These are crucial tidbits that only Gary knows. Big time Gary-oke respect.

He knows a TON about snacks.

Part of Gary’s job is bringing Selina little snacky things, which he does exceptionally well. He’s constantly saying things to Selina like, “I put a little Fig Newton for you there as well.” That’s music to any girl’s ears.

He’s a grade-A secret keeper.

Remember that time when there was a shutdown in Washington, and there was trash everywhere, and it was piling up outside of Selina’s house and Gary thought it’d be really nice to have that all cleaned up for her? And then he did get it cleaned up for her but it was a huge disaster, and he had to get her trash retrieved from the dump? And she said the only way he would identify her garbage was by looking for [and then she whispered something in his ear that made Gary go pale]? Yeah, he never told that secret. We still don’t know what was in the bag.

He always asks the incredibly important political questions.

Like this one. 

When he laughs, we laugh.

Remember that scene in the bathroom when Selina finds out she’s going to be president and Gary gets so excited his nose starts to bleed (already loving him for that BTW), and then the two of them burst out into the biggest giggle fit of all time? If you didn’t already love Gary before this scene you definitely loved him after. When Gary laughs, it’s pretty impossible not to join in.

His style game is so, so, on point.

Gary is the one who lays out Selina’s outfits, decides when she should wear hats, colors, patterns, pleats. He irons, he steams, he does a bang up job, but there is often something just slightly awry — he forgets her glasses, she’s too hot in the fabric he picked out, or a zipper is irreparably stuck. There was also the time she looked too “elfin.” Gary had a vision though.

He feels his happiness so deeply.

In those moment rare moments that Gary does something right his happiness expression is a full explosion of contagious glee. Like here:

His unrequited love can’t help but make you feel a feeling.

It’s pretty safe to say that what Gary feels for Selina is love — and it is wholly unrequited. It’s basically a romance without anything romantic and any time they touch (like when Gary is helping her to wipe of too much hand sanitizer, for instance) you can feel those one-sided love bonds. Watching Gary in those moments it’s impossible not to feel some d’awwww for Gary in the heart place. It’s just totally unavoidable.

[Images via: here, here, here, here, here.]

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