Sarah Heyward
May 30, 2012 5:00 am

I’m a founding member of an elite club known as the Bad Movie Club (BMC for short). There’s a lot of mystery surrounding the Bad Movie Club as it only has two permanent members and meets at highly unpredictable intervals. And of course, there’s the question of what defines a “bad movie.” Today, I’m going to explain how you, too, can start a Bad Movie Club. Be warned – it’s not for everyone.

1. Find a friend who wants to start a Bad Movie Club

This first step is crucial. Our BMC only has two members: my friend Sungmi and me. Her boyfriend Will is Secretary, which means he does not have to be present at every meeting, but when he is, he must do all the necessary Googling and iPhoning that comes up as we watch and inevitably have questions (“Where do I know that girl from? Did that guy have a one-line appearance on Gilmore Girls?” etc.).

2. Determine what you will define as Bad Movies

In our case, we follow the “you know it when you see it” rule of thumb, and for us that seems to be a list consisting mostly of made-for-TV tween movies originally premiering on the likes of ABC Family or Lifetime. Anything that could be seen as a vehicle for a young girl currently starring on an ABC Family TV show (cough, Lucy Hale) is perfect. Here’s a sampling of some of the movies we’ve tackled in the last six months:

  • All three Cinderella Story movies (fun fact : we were very confused when Once Upon a Song premiered on TV because we could have sworn we had watched it for BMC months earlier. With a little sleuthing, we realized we had been so eager to see it we had actually bought the movie On Demand rather than wait for it to appear on TV. Which would have been the sane, rational thing to do since it’s, you know, a MADE FOR TV MOVIE)
  • From Prada to Nada
  • Sorority Wars
  • Beauty and the Briefcase
  • Geek Charming
  • Revenge of the Bridesmaids
  • Triple Dog
  • 12 Dates of Christmas
Of course, we take frequent field trips to see movies in theaters that would also qualify as Bad Movies. For example:
  • The Vow
  • The Lucky One
  • What’s Your Number
  • This Means War

As you can see, the qualifications for Bad Movies are fluid and ever-changing. Is it a movie that is so bad it’s good? Can we talk loudly and distractedly throughout without missing any of the important plot points? Is there enough to mock? Enough pretty people to secretly worship as we mock them? Is it glossy? These are the questions we ask before selecting a movie, but yours might be entirely different.

3. Bad Movie Food

Arguably more important than the movie selection, the choice of snacks is a fundamental part of any Bad Movie Club. In our club, we follow a strict All Junk Food All the Time system of snacking. Start with a solid base, like a giant cheese pizza. Then each week, pick a food theme for the side dishes and desserts (examples from our own club include Doritos of the World, Candy Buffet, Hostess Cake Sampler, and Ice Cream Sundae Bar). These same principles apply even if you’re strictly a health food type. I’m not going to lie and say hummus hasn’t made an appearance on more than one occasion.

4. Bad Movie Attire

Pajamas, sweatpants, leggings, slippers, robes, hoodies. You get the idea. Much like the TGIF Party I told you all about, comfort is key when it comes to consuming large quantities of terrible movies. You want to be able to extend fully on the couch when you’ve polished off the entire carton of Oreo Birthday Blast Ice Cream. You don’t want to feel the constriction of a tight waistband as you’re laughing derisively at Sorority Wars. Plus, a huge bonus of being in a Bad Movie Club is how low-key and pressure-free the meetings are. Nobody has to look good or be prepared in any special way. It’s all about a couch, snacks, and the ability to chatter freely while something plays on a screen in front of you.

5. Bad Movie/Good Attitude

The last rule of Bad Movie Club is that every member has to be completely on board with what’s happening. It’s easy for us because there are only two of us, but if you decide to expand your group, you want to be very careful about choosing members who feel the same way you do about Bad Movies. Someone who doesn’t know how to properly make fun of a bad movie or, worse, thinks the movie is legitimately good and gets annoyed when you mock it or, even worse than worse, doesn’t understand how you can both love and hate a Bad Movie at the same time insuring that all mockery comes from a deeply loving place and cannot be construed as mean-spirited or bitter, is not welcome in the Bad Movie Club.

Above all, your Bad Movie Club needs to work for you. The list I printed above is a great starting off point, but maybe for you a Bad Movie is anything written by Woody Allen, or those pesky nature documentaries with celebrity narration. Maybe the movies on our list are so bad that for you they’ve crossed over into So-Bad-It’s-Not-Even-Fun territory. Boredom is the kiss of death when it comes to a Bad Movie Club. When you find that perfect balance of entertaining, mockable, silly, funny, cheesy, and sweet, you’ll know you’ve struck gold. And if you’re anything like us, pretty soon Bad Movie Club will be the only kind of social experience you want to have.

What would you guys watch in a Bad Movie Club?

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