Rachel Paige
August 17, 2015 7:41 am

Stepping away from my usual TV binge habits, I’m trying something new out: I’m binge-reading all the Harry Potter books. I’ve read them all before, of course (multiple times even) but I realized that I had never read them back-to-back before. I figured it was about time for this, seeing as how even though there hasn’t been a new book in almost ten years, they are still incredibly popular, and talked about literally every single day.

Also, I’m desperate to come up with my own HP fan theory, like all the other amazing ones on the Internet.

What’s a HP fan theory? It’s just a theory about something or someone HP-related, and if it’s on point it will BLOW YOUR MIND. There are so many tiny things scattered across J.K. Rowling’s books, that sometimes all the tiny details are hard to take in. There are things that happen in the first book that don’t become relevant until the third. There are passing mentions of characters in the second book who we don’t meet until the seventh. Going back and re-reading everything gives way to picking up on these details, and some fan created theories are so good it’s hard not to become obsessed with them.

So while I continue reading as fast as I can (up to Goblet of Fire right now) here are just 8 of the best fan theories so far, ranked, in order from awesome to MOST awesome.

8. The Ronbledore theory

Dumbledore and Ron are the same person, and Dumbledore travels back in time to help Harry defeat Voldemort. Fabulous lady Mallory Ortberg of The Toast is a big supporter of this theory, and has hilariously detailed every single aspect of it. Basically she’s right and we’re all wrong, so we’ve gotta start thinking of Ronbledore as Harry’s BFF.

7. A world where a Slytherin defeated Voldemort

Going off of one passage in the books, Tumblr user crazybutperfectlysane explains that the end of Goblet of Fire could have been very different. A Slytherin, Cassius Warrington, puts their name into the Goblet, and while it’s not a choice, what happens if it had been? Would Voldemort really have still killed the other Hogwarts champion, even if they were a Slytherin? The real kicker is, “Imagine Slytherins fighting in the Battle of Hogwarts and shouting ‘This is for Cassius!'”

6. Harry’s now immortal

“Neither can live while the other survives,” yes yes. The prophecy has lots of room for interpenetration. But it’s been suggested by imgur user HPWombat that the only person who can kill Voldemort is Harry, so the only person who can kill Harry is Voldemort. Seeing as how he’s gone, that means Harry’s going to live forever now.

5. The Dursleys didn’t deal well with their Horcrux

By the time you reach the last book, you know that Harry’s on a quest to destroy Voldemort, and that includes destroying his Horcruxes, which each contain a tiny part of his being. These Horcruxes are full of dark magic, and cause pleasantries for whoever’s in their possession. Harry’s got a bit of Horcrux in him, and that’s why the Dursleys were so mean to him: it’s all Voldemort’s fault. Or at least, that’s what Graphic Nerdity suggests.

4. Why Harry ended up in Gryffindor

According to Tumblr user InkHat, it’s because Harry chose to be in Gryffindor. He was really supposed to be a Slytherin. And Ron, a Hufflepuff. Hermione, Ravenclaw. As they write, “In fact, everyone in that house could have been in another house if they hadn’t asked to be in Gryffindor. You have be ask to be in Gryffindor because their most defining feature is bravery and anyone can choose to be brave.” Brain explodes.

3. Muggles are actually controlling the Ministry of Magic

We’ve always considered the Ministry of Magic to be an all-powerful governing body of the Wizarding World, but there might actually be something above them. Something like, the British Government. Reddit user celeritas365 points out the fact that it’s odd wizards need to alert the Prime Minister of England to the fact that they’re bringing a dragon into the country (this is during Goblet of Fire). We’re lead to believe that Wizards are always trying to stay out of Muggle business, and vice versa. So this is odd. So MAYBE, something long ago happened between Wizards and Muggles, and now Muggles are always keeping tabs on Wizards — with a mutual agreement to stay out of the other’s way, of course.

2. J.K. Rowling is Voldemort

JK JK. But listen. This is author Stephen King musing about the books, and he said: “J.K. Rowling created seven Horcruxes. She put a part of her soul in every book and now her books will live forever.”

Oddly accurate and true. (And who did she kill? Dumbledore, Snape, Sirius, Lupin, Tonks, Dobby, and FRED.)

And now, the number one Harry Potter fan theory, IMHO…

1. Dumbledore is Death

Whoa, weird sentence to say, I know. But recently a theory, via Tumblr user harryjxmespotter, has come to light explaining that while Harry, Snape, and Voldemort are the Peverells brothers from Deahtly Hallows, Dumbledore is the one that ties them all together. He’s the all-seeing, all-knowing being (death) who starts them on their journeys, and is there for them in the end, too. It’s impossible not to think of the Deathly Hallows without including Dumbledore in there now.

(Image via Warner Bros.)

Related:

7 Harry Potter rumors mythbusted

In praise of Sirius Black

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