Emily Harburg
October 29, 2015 9:55 pm

It was recently announced that The Cursed Child, a new two-part play set in the Harry Potter universe, would be a sequel to The Deathly Hallows. Billed as “the eighth story,” the plays are set to follow Harry Potter as an “overworked employee of the Ministry of Magic, a husband and father of three school-age children” and his son Albus as “both father and son learn the uncomfortable truth: sometimes, darkness comes from unexpected places.” So far so good. But now that details are slowly emerging (and tickets are already selling out) I have a few formal requests for the writing team with regards to what I’d like to see on stage.

1. Ron and Hermione as a married couple

After seven books of obvious romantic tension, its about time we get to see the real deal, “will they or won’t they” nonsense aside. Chances are they’ll still be bickering and arguing exactly the same way they did before…but they’ll be bickering and arguing while married.

2. Someone making fun of Albus Severus’s name

Sure, in theory it was a nice gesture to honor two important men in Harry’s life (even if one of them made his life miserable for seven years) but Albus Severus is hands down the most ridiculous name of all time, and I would be totally fine with some well deserved merciless teasing from the other first years. (But nothing too harsh, OK?)

3. McGonagall reforming the House Cup Tournament

Albus Dumbledore was an iconic headmaster, but Hogwarts under his rule was basically in a constant state of inter-house civil war. I’m hoping McGonagall saw the light and encouraged solidarity over rivalry.

4. Teddy Lupin and Victorie Weasley snogging

By far the most underrated pair of the epilogue, I’m dying to see more of Harry’s blue haired godson and the first second-generation Weasley together. Since Victorie will be attending Hogwarts with Albus, there’s a pretty decent shot.

5. Draco Malfoy’s son not being a jerk

I’m going to give Malfoy the benefit of the doubt and assume that the trauma he endured under Voldemort gave him a new perspective on life. Here’s hoping that he’s reformed enough to, at least, give his son a chance to form his own opinions and friends…maybe even some of the Potter/Weasley clan? (see #3 for breaking down house barriers).

6. Professor Neville Longbottom

After enduring years of torture from Snape, Neville would surely make it his mission to make sure every student feels comfortable in his classroom, and I’d love to see him in his element in the Herbology greenhouse. Neville is the perfect candidate for the Remus John Lupin award for best teacher/life coach (and maybe Head of Gryffindor House?)

7. The wizard version of snapchat

The epilogue takes place in 2017, and I’d like to think that by then the Wizarding World has caught on to some modern inventions. They may still be using quills and ink, but I’d bet someone has figured out a charm to send ten second selfies (think Hermione’s enchanted coins for Dumbledore’s Army in the fifth book).

8. Grandma Molly

Let’s be real, Molly Weasley has been in training to being a grandma her entire life. With approximately 1,000 grandkids to dote on, she’ll be putting her cooking and knitting skills to good use (but she’ll be working overtime to get all those Christmas sweaters done in time).

9. The legacy of the Second Wizarding War

This may sound a little dark, but I’m intensely curious about how the events of the seventh book affected wizard society. Is it taught in Hogwarts curriculum? What kind of memorials are there? How did the war change people’s perception of blood status? Did Hermione singlehandedly reform house elf policies under the “Dobby Bill”? I have so many questions!

and finally…

10. The Golden Trio in action

In the end, The Cursed Child is Albus’s story, and I’m okay with that. But Harry, Ron and Hermione have always been the heart of the series, and I will be supremely disappointed if I don’t get to see the old gang back together again one more time. I’m excited to see what has changed in the Wizarding World in the last nineteen years or so, but the friendship between these three is one thing that will always stay the same.

(Image via YouTube/Pottermore)

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