Guy panic-texts his wife after their son pukes everywhere, internet cannot get enough
It’s being called the #barfpocalypse.
A father named Ben Patterson was driving home with his toddler son Declan in the backseat when the kid puked all over himself — you know, as toddlers sometimes do. Since puke is absolutely disgusting, Patterson freaked the freak out.
He began texting his wife a play-by-play of the disastrous situation occurring in the car, but his wife Stephanie was out with friends and wasn’t responding. And that’s when things got hilarious and really gross. Patterson posted three screen captures of the texting conversation he had with his wife (well, really himself) while the entire puke saga went on — and the internet can’t stop talking about it.
“Last night I was supposed to watch the kids, so my wife and I swapped cars after work so she could head out with some friends,” he wrote on Facebook. “On the way home, projectile vomit occurred and the whole time my wife wasn’t answering her phone …. See the ensuing text messages.”
Warning: You’re about to see vomit.
“WHAT DID HE EAT BECAUSE IT SMELLS LIKE ROTTING WHALE BLUBBER,” he wrote.
While Patterson was attempting to clean the vomit off of Declan, he just couldn’t handle the smell, so he puked. He diagnosed himself as being a “sympathetic vomiter,” something we’re sure a lot of parents (and non-parents) can relate to.
Then he texted that after he puked in a stranger lady’s lawn, she accused him of drunk driving and called the police.
“Aaand now the cops showed up,” Patterson informed Stephanie. “Aaaaand now a breathalyzer. YOU OWE ME SO BIG.” (He has since clarified on Facebook that he was joking about the police department being called and the Breathalyzer “for dramatic effect for my wife in the moment.” Whew!)
Even though the ride home was a disaster, the good news is that little Declan is feeling much better now — and not just because he’s gone viral .
We have to agree!