Okay, so I must admit I was a little hesitant to write another post about my bisexuality; I’m just being honest here. After my first post went up, I was accused of slut shaming (I would never), being immature (quite possible), pushing the LGBT fight back to the stone ages (please don’t give me that much credit), being uninformed and ridiculous for wanting a party (who doesn’t want a party?!) and for talking about boobs way too much (I will not stop!). Boobs! Boobs! Boobs!
First of all, I never claimed to be the knower of all things bisexual. This article is my experience and my experience only. You do not have to read it. But I encourage you to do so, because I’ve learned a lot from your comments, good and bad, and you can, too. I think if something really bothers you about anything I’ve written, then we can learn from each other without paying tuition, so what’s the harm? I’ve learned that I agree with many of you who wrote to me and said I should be called “The Ambassador of Bisexuality.” I humbly accept. Not because I’m adorable, but because I will be completely honest about this all too important subject, even to an embarrassing degree.
I do think we have so much to talk about. And yes, I could sit here and tell you my frat stories about how a straight friend decided to drive all the way out to Palm Springs to The Dinah Shore Ladies Weekend to “hunt me down and hook up with me” after taking five tabs of ecstasy and explain what that looked like. She was extremely hot and was wearing a bikini top at the time and clung to my arm, causing me to at some point think that she should call me Escobar, but most of the night went like this: She ate an apple and bit my skin while I pretended to be asleep. Woooo! So exciting. I could go into all that fun silly stuff, but I think that there are so many more important things to talk about, especially here on HelloGiggles. So I’m going to save my frat stories for my book of short embarrassing bisexual frat stories by Escobar.
We have more important, more serious stuff to talk about. We have the opportunity to connect and share fears, feelings and help get each other through some confusing uncharted sexual personal issues or questions. (Like how many bisexuals does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer: None. We don’t screw, we make love.)
I was really shocked with how many of you wrote to me asking questions and trusting me with some deep personal stories. Really. My first thought was, how did you get my email address? And, look as silly as I can be about this stuff sometimes, I do think there is a larger responsibility we all have to each other. God, I really resent that some of your comments made me grow up. Grrrrrrr. Boobs. Grrrrrr.
So, all joking about boobs and ecstasy aside, I’m going to start this off by answering the very first question that was asked of me from someone who was brave enough to share her question. I’m not going to disclose her name as her privacy was very important to her, so from now on we will just call her Curi #1.
Here’s what C1 wrote:
Thank you for your column, I really don’t have anyone in my family nor friends to ask these types of questions with because of how I know their beliefs are. I consider this a pretty deep, personal, private question, but do you think it’s normal / believable / justifiable to want to experience some kind of emotional and physical love from another women while say in college but eventually know that you want to marry a man one day to settle down with?
Dear C 1,
First of all thank you for sharing your personal thoughts with me, a total stranger. I think it’s just amazing how two people can connect like this and feel comfortable to do so, in front of hundreds of thousands of people. We are tremendous. We should throw ourselves a party.
To answer your question: Yes, I think it’s perfectly normal to want to experience some kind of emotional and physical love from another women in college. But it doesn’t have to be limited to college. What about grad school?
I think your feelings are totally normal and shouldn’t be relegated to any time period in your life. I do have a problem with the rest of your question though: It reads as fear-based (in my opinion) because there is no way you can truly KNOW who you want to marry until that person walks into your life. So why limit yourself and have that in your head? Why not be open to whatever your experience in life brings to you? I’m questioning you “knowing” that you want to marry a man. Are you protecting yourself because you want to fit in with the rest of society? I totally get that because I, too felt relief when I liked a man again after being with a woman. I felt happy that I wasn’t “abnormal” or any other deviant label that society puts on it.
I think it’s okay to think that you want to marry a man, sure but I’m cautioning you with being firm on this because I think that if you have a curiosity about women then you should be open to whatever it brings to you and your life. If you have it in your head that you want to marry a man then you might hold back your feelings with a woman and not truly give which means you won’t truly get. Make sense? Like if I held back and didn’t move in with my first girlfriend, I would have never been introduced to her cat, lazy boy and her extreme love for baseball statistics. And after two years of living with her, I never would have realized that I was allergic to cats! How beautiful is that. I had scratchy eyes for two years and didn’t realize why.
What I am trying to say is…don’t hold back or put any labels on who you want to fall in love with and/or marry. We do not live on paper and as much as you may try, you cannot pick who you fall in love with. I think Katherine Hepburn said that. I don’t know who said this quote or from what ideology it comes from but I love it because it scares me into changing things up and growing: Fear often arises as a barometer of what we should be doing. I totally believe this to be true. [When used with good judgment and safety]
And to those in your life who have different beliefs than you and would judge you, I can only say that you are here on this earth to live your movie and no one else’s. People may be in your movie so they can learn and change by the way you live openly and honestly. That’s really the only thing that you are here for. So why not do it?
Love, The Ambassador
Here are two other articles that illustrate my points further that think you will find interesting as well:
(Image via ShutterStock.)