Erin Mallory Long
December 18, 2014 9:35 am

In my mind (or, as Blossom says “opinionation”), Friends is the ultimate gift that keeps on giving. I’ve already discussed the Friends Thanksgiving episodes, and today I’m here to discuss the Christmas episodes! I have a well-documented obsession with Friends, so much so that two friends of mine and I are launching a podcast on Christmas Eve called “Best of Friends” where we talk about every single episode of the show. BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL THE BEST!

But there’s something really sweet that happens when our favorite friends get into the holiday spirit. As always, I generally identify with Monica (her crazy decorating of the tree, her exclamation that Joey and Chandler need to do their Christmas shopping, etc). I could talk about all of these episodes for hours but instead let’s just focus on five ways the Friends Christmas episodes ruined my life:

1. I Want the Holiday Armadillo to Be Real

I say, “there’s a sentence I never thought I’d say” just because of Monica’s line in this episode.

She says: “Santa, the armadillo and I will have a little talk in the kitchen. There’s a sentence I never thought I’d say.”

Ross wants to teach Ben about Hannukah but of course is dressed as an armadillo which makes the whole situation hilarious and very very Ross-y. I grew up with mythology involving a “Birthday Hippopotamus” so I’m very into non-traditional family traditions and somewhere in my heart I know Ross kept up with the Holiday Armadillo even with Emma.

Don’t forget: If Santa and the holiday armadillo are ever in the same room for too long, the universe will implode. Merry Christmas!

2. Kind of Want to Get My Friends Gifts From the Gas Station

Chandler and Joey drive with Phoebe when she tries to visit her real dad. They didn’t leave enough time to get everyone gifts so they give everyone stuff from the gas station.

Okay, I don’t ACTUALLY want to do this, obviously. But I like the idea of a friend group where some of your friends are allowed to be kind of screw-ups meanwhile Ross got Chandler a sweater. (I’m the Ross in this scenario because I’d be mortified to give someone wiper blades for Christmas – even if they owned a car)

3. Always Give Your Friends Holiday Songs for Christmas

A made-up Christmas song is a great idea for a present! My wish is to have a friend incorporate my name into any kind of song but a Christmas one would be – to quote Alec Baldwin’s character, Parker – “Aces!”

4. I Look at Sending Christmas Cards Together as a MAJOR Step in a Relationship

Poor, poor Mona. Ross just cannot get it right with her. And he starts so strongly! He meets Mona at Chandler and Monica’s wedding and though Joey also attempted to hit on her, ROSS ends up dating her. (This might have something to do with Joey’s freakishly small feet, but I like to think Ross was just on his game.)

But then he gives her a key to his apartment, but changes his locks. He has to tell her Rachel is pregnant with his baby and then he has to tell her Rachel moved in with him. Aw, Mona, you stayed with him way too long.

One area where Mona gets it wrong is with the holiday cards. She suggests they send a card of themselves together for Christmas and Ross reluctantly agrees but doesn’t want to and as a result, sending Christmas cards together feels to me to be one step beyond marriage. It’s just. . .a lot.

5. Think about the Christmas Trees Being Murdered in the “Chipper”

. . .And just get sad about the Christmas trees in general. I’ve always had a real tree. But this year, for the first time, I’m in an apartment with carpeting so I bought an artificial tree. It’s actually pretty much the same except my cats don’t want to eat this one and I’m not finding pine needles everywhere. Win win.

Phoebe’s reaction to Joey working at the Christmas Tree place is so over the top – even more so than A Charlie Brown Christmas – that I can’t help but feel for her and all those trees that don’t get to fulfill their Christmas destiny.

What are you favorite moments from a Friends Christmas episode? Tell me!

(Main image , Superman pic via)

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