Erin Mallory Long
May 30, 2014 2:23 pm

Well, hello there, Upper East Siders. Gossip Girl here to dish on, well, me!

Okay, I’m no Gossip Girl, but I know a thing or two about blogging (RIGHT?!) and having Blair Waldorf inspire you to try a few power headbands. (And also, who doesn’t just want to revamp their entire wardrobe after watching a few episodes of this show?)

When Gossip Girl premiered I didn’t watch it. At first. But this is what best friends are for. The same BFF who told me to watch The O.C. was watching and loving Gossip Girl and well, I had to see what the fuss was about. (As a sidebar about me, for a generally self-aware person it always takes me a bit to admit it. Though I grew up obsessively watching Star Wars, I never considered myself a fan of “sci-fi” and similarly, though I LOVE most teen dramas I never seem to get on the train right at the beginning.

The Gossip Girl was perfect for us. We’d just graduated college the year before and were living in New York finally as “adults” – though somehow still not as adult as these teens. And it was everything. And then the Vulture recaps started and…it was everything. Until season 3 then it became Too Much. But we’ll talk about that. Here are five ways Gossip Girl ruined my life:

1. Just Sort of Really Admire the Business Model of it All

I mean, BEING Gossip Girl seems great. Anonymous gossip blogging? Perfection. Though this was also at the HEIGHT of my obsession with sites like The Superficial so that might explain it. (What can I say? I didn’t have a LOT to do at work!)

But the best part is it is this huge prevailing thing just at their school and then it BLOWS UP. Other people read it and use it as a real news source and THEN, LATER, Elizabeth Hurley comes in and Gossip Girl is this huge competition. To a real news magazine. It’s insane and amazing and anyone who’s vaguely involved in “the internet” should just sit back and *slow clap.*

It’s just incredible. And the moment you think “well who would read that?” you realize you’re watching it on TV so… and it all makes sense.

2. Wished I Was Better At Scheming

If there’s one thing you learn from Gossip Girl it’s that, you’re only as good as your scheming capabilities.

I like to think I have some Blair Waldorf in me – well, okay, I don’t LIKE to think that but I do think that – but in reality, I could never do the stuff she does. But I think that’s due to the fact that she lives in a TV show and I do not.

But if you aren’t plotting against your best friends all the time, you aren’t truly living. I mean, honestly, the best part about the show is to see teenagers running rampant in New York City, getting served at bars and clubs, doing whatever they want, not worrying about money. This is VERY much the opposite of how I grew up and so, it appeals to me in an escapist sort of way. Which is the only way I can hope to enjoy television, really.

Well, that and Chuck and Blair. Perfect. Except for this workout outfit of Chuck’s, of course.

3. All the Guest Stars Were Hand-Picked For Me

Blair’s mom and step-dad ALONE, guys! I mean, Margaret Colin? Are you kidding me? Thank goodness they didn’t stay with Blair’s mom from the pilot! (Sorry) Margaret Colin aka Star of One Of My Favorite Movies Independence Day is amazing alone and then she marries Wallace Shawn! I mean, The Princess Bride AND Clueless?! I definitely stared at him the one time I saw him in New York and I really apologize for that, Wallace Shawn. Don’t worry, I didn’t memorize the address you walked into. (I had the sense he was concerned I would become a stalker. I have trouble hiding emotions from my face.)

Then you add Michelle Trachtenberg, who because we’re basically the same age, I’ve always wanted to be and I could keep listing people but these three are the tops. For me.

4. IT SUCKS YOU IN

I watched it OBSESSIVELY…for two seasons. And then half-heartedly for the third season. I went to NYU so once they went to NYU I was very bogged down by “well THAT makes no sense” and “all dorms at NYU actually have their own bathrooms so…” and other petty stuff. And I stopped watching. I used to never stop watching but as I’ve grown older and TV has become more sprawling, I just can’t commit to stuff I’m not, well, committed to. So I gave up.

I gave up so much so that when the series finale aired I read all the spoilers on who Gossip Girl was because I thought, “I’ll never watch.” And THEN it actually made me go, “hoo boy now I NEED to watch!”

So finally, a couple months ago, after finishing a job, I picked up where I left off and watched the end of the series. And was immediately hooked. I mean, I thought most of what happened was insane and dumb and over-the-top but why else watch a show about spoiled Manhattanites?

And the whole ad campaign and those Chuck Bass-focused promos set to Britney’s “Womanizer” were…everything.

5. THE FINALE

First of all, this is from the series premiere.

These images appear back to back while we’re listening to Gossip Girl say, “and who am I? That’s one secret I’ll never tell.”

And I haven’t gone back and traced everything but I just love this image that can so be interpreted as a DUH DAN IS GOSSIP GIRL after the fact.

Look, here’s the thing. Any finale is gonna get to me. I LOVE series finales. They’re bittersweet and make you cry (HOPEFULLY!) and I can watch one of pretty much any show and feel what I’m supposed to feel. (I’m a very good audience member in that way.)

And this finale did that. You finally get to see Kristen Bell! You get the Chuck and Blair wedding, you get the Dan and Serena wedding and you get everyone’s lives 5 years in the future wrapped up in a little bow! And you also get the reveal of Gossip Girl. The whole last season (and even the two seasons prior) are BONKERS insane. But the finale is still enjoyable and crazy and everything you expect and want. Which is sometimes the perfect thing to get from a TV show.

xoxo, Gossip Girl.

(Main image via, screengrabs taken from the show, other photo my own)

Advertisement