The Muppets are either a motley crew of comedy pioneers that appeal to adults with their self-referential humor while also teaching children miniature life lessons through song, dance and corny jokes. Or the Muppets are a ragtag bunch of mostly boy frogs, bears and whatevers that exist in a world where a bossy pig is pretty much the only female representation. They teach life lessons about things like being a good friend all while sort of rolling their eyes at that one lady pig. Maybe they’re both!?
In the greater Muppet-verse, where there are girl chickens and Janis-Joplin-inspired guitar-playing dudettes, one wonders just what the female Muppets say about pigkind. Er, womankind. Ugh, you get the picture. Choose a girl Muppet (this is a short read, there are only four) and see what kind of female you might be if you were a Jim Henson creation.
If Miss Piggy is your favorite female Muppet, you’re independent, charismatic and a star. You are a third-wave feminist who believes you can wear heels, be a businesspig and deliver a powerful karate chop all in the same day. Girl Power! You don’t love sharing the spotlight or worry much about friends but hey that’s showbiz, right? You’ve been known for your diva behavior but you take that as a compliment. You refer to yourself in French first person and you’ve already stopped reading this.
Duh. Janice is your faves. People have, like, opinions about you from the way you look and speak but you can’t help being who you are, man. You’re not afraid to move to the beat of your own drum. You rock out with the dudes but, don’t worry, they still see you as like, totally a girl. You’ve got that cool rocker chick thing going for you and you’re not going to change for anyone. You think life is all about risk taking and free love, man. Also you’re a nudist, for sure.
You chose Camilla as your favorite Muppet? Well, then much like Camilla, you’re a chicken. You’re adorable and awkward but deeper than people think. You can’t speak but beneath the feathers is an ambitious chicken. Your boyfriend mixes you up often with other chickens but you can’t complain because, hey, you’re a chicken.
Hah, Skeeter is your lady Muppet of choice? Oh, you’re serious. Well some people think you’re a little inauthentic. You fancy yourself gutsy, bold and a bit of a tomboy. When pretending, you usually get to play the girl parts but only the ones that she doesn’t want. Also, glasses.
Damian Bellino currently writes for the VH1 blog. He feels mostly like a Piggy. Follow him on Twitter @damianbellino