Credit: 20th Century Fox

The Fault in our Stars is sweet and basically perfect, but the the book left us in puddles of our own emotions. But, you guys, the ending was almost completely different. The Fault in our Stars had two alternate endings, and now we’re not even sure what’s real anymore. Author John Green wrote two entirely different endings because he wasn’t completely satisfied with the original tragic ending.

Thankfully the alternate endings weren’t included in the final story, because they’re straight up cray. Green referred to the alternate endings as “epically terrible.” Once you read them, you’ll know why.

Credit: 20th Century Fox

He shared the first original ending with actor Nat Wolff back in 2014. He explained that he wanted Hazel and Peter Van Houten to honor Augustus’s life in a “sacrificial way.” So Green wrote a 40-page ending that had Hazel and Peter tracking down a drug lord and killing him.

But it didn’t end there.

After they kill the drug lord, Hazel and Peter “die in a hail of bullets from all the security around the drug lord.” So, yeah — the novel definitely would have taken a turn for the WTF. His editor called him and said, “The last 40 pages, I can’t tell if you’re kidding.” He wasn’t.

Things got even crazier in his second alternate ending. Green wanted the ending to connect to British philosopher Philippa Foot’s idea called “The Trolley Dilemma.” The idea involves a scenario that presents an extreme environment that tests the subject’s ethical prowess.

Credit: 20th Century Fox

In an interview on the Nerdist podcast, John explained how he tried to tie this philosophical dilemma into the novel.

Again, his editor saved the day (and the novel) by also shutting that idea down. As much as we hate to admit it, we’ll stick with Hazel and Gus’s tragic ending.