Kit Steinkellner
Updated Mar 21, 2015 @ 8:45 am

So last year I went with my mom to see Divergent and this year I took my little sister to see Insurgent. In both cases I was the only one who had read the books, and in this last go around my sister had also not seen the first movie. So were the ladies of my family lost? Did they need to constantly poke me and whisper-ask questions about characters/plot/what’s up with everyone getting syringes filled with mind-control serum stuck in their necks every two seconds?

Nope and more nope. They both had the greatest of times, proving you can go into these movies blind and still completely enjoy all the Myers-Briggs-based craziness of Dystopian Chicago.

But enough intro, let’s get to Shailene Woodley’s haircut and Theo James’ EVERYTHINGNESS.

I guess there MIGHT be spoilers in here? If you’re afraid of that, don’t read on, but I don’t know, I think all this stuff was in the books/trailers/our public imagination.

Shailene’s rusty scissors pixie cut

Tris pulls a “Gone Girl” and gives herself a haircut that looks amaze even though she never went to cosmetology school/can’t see the back of her head. The movie-magic-lover in me hearts this so much. Meanwhile, hair stylists everywhere are like “That’s NOT how it WORKS.”

Shailene pretends like she hates Amity and everything is hilarious

Our Patron Saint of Woodland Sprites Shailene Woodley, as Tris, has to pretend she DOESN’T like tie-die dresses and communal eating and barns that look like they were designed by Frank Lloyd Wright and you can SEE Shailene’s inner struggle, because, as we all know, Shailene is the Amity-est Amity that ever Amity and all these Amity shenanigans are her straight-up JAM.

Everything about Tris and Four is sexy

Literally everything. They are sexy at spooning. They are sexy at stopping each other from killing other people with dinner knives. They are sexy fighting off the effects of truth serum. They are sexy jumping on and off trains together. I know Justin Timberlake SAID he was bringing sexy back, but you guys, it’s Tris and Four

There is a zipper scene in this movie that is the greatest zipper scene of all time

Trust a girl.

It’s still so weird to see Ansel Elgort play Shailene’s brother

As weird as it is to see Shai’s former on-screen boyfriend Miles Teller (The Spectacular Now) play her mortal enemy (and KILL IT on the REGULAR with this role) it is SO WEIRDSIES seeing The Fault in Our Stars‘ Hazel and August play brother and sister.

Kate Winslet’s Jeanine is more stylish/scary this time around

You can tell that Winslet has a VERY SERIOUS convo with the director and the costume designer about her role this time around and it paid off like whoa. She’s so much more creepier as a villain in this installment and her outfits are Claire Underwood-great,

The fight sequences are amaze

I had to watch through my fingers but I could still tell they kicked all the butt.

Shailene Woodley is an actress for the ages

She does not have a false moment on screen. And I challenge you to find an actress who whisper-cries better than Woodley. She is the Olympic gold medal winner of whisper-cry-acting, 10’s all around.

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