Everything I Need to Know, I Learned From Michelle Tanner
In honor of Mary-Kate Olsen’s exciting engagement news, let’s talk about this:
EINTKILF Michelle Tanner
1. Your sister’s boyfriend is not secretly in love with you.
So one day, Michelle thinks Steve has a crush on her because he playfully proposes to her with a soda can top. And look, I get it. If Scott Weinger showed any kind of interest in me, even playful, at any time of my life, I would probably get overexcited as well. But regardless, Scott–or Steve in the actual show–was never in love with Michelle. I mean, first of all, she was like six. And secondly, Steve was always–and still in my childlike-adult-mind–in love with DJ Tanner. Sorry, Michelle.
2. Always remain supportive.
Also helps to have a catchphrase.
3. It is okay to cry.
(Pretty sure this was a lesson last week, I’m just trying to drive it home for y’all.)
In one of the most heartbreaking episodes of Full House, Papouli comes to visit from Greece and then passes away during his trip. It is the first time us viewers have to deal with the Tanners dealing with death, though it is obviously not the first time the family has dealt with it themselves. Mrs. Tanner, RIP. 🙁
Anyway, it is a really hard episode to watch, and yes I know we are talking about Full House, but sometimes they really have authentic moments that we can actually learn from.
Michelle: It’s okay to be sad.
Jesse: Yeah, I heard that somewhere before.
Michelle: Uncle Jesse, is it okay to cry?
Jesse: You bet.
4. Sass rules.
Poor Gibbler. Even the baby of the family disrespects you to your face.
5. Love hurts.
Aunt Becky’s nephew comes to visit and Michelle becomes quite smitten with him. I know Michelle is only like two years old when she falls in love with Howie–who would later kind of be her relative–but it is still really sweet. And regardless, heartbreak is heartbreak. Distance is never a fun thing for anybody, and when Howie has to leave Michelle to go home to Nebraska, Michelle’s baby heart is just a bit broken.
Jokes aside, I seriously love this episode.
6. Horses are dangerous and cause amnesia.
Though I admittedly love the way Full House wraps up in the last scene, I have always hated the storyline surrounding it. I know they wanted a sweet little recap and a good reason to remind each other that they all love one another as much as they do, but…come on! Amnesia? What is this, Days of Our Lives? (Also a show I watched when I was a kid / now.)
All in all, what I learned from Michelle is that horses are super scary and can cause amnesia and/or your twin sister to show up as your memory.
7. How to properly scold someone.
Pretttttty sure I used to say that to my brothers and pretttttty sure that’s why they punched me in the arm a lot.
8. There are no relatives cooler than uncles.
Also, can I get a high-five for not including all of the Jesse/Michelle pictures I saved to my desktop? Thank you, you’re welcome.
9. Friends are very important.
Teddy and Denise, anyone? Not only was Michelle super good friends with those two adorable pals, but she was also single-handedly bringing diversity to the Full House.
Even besides Teddy and Denise, Michelle was always the sister with the most friends. She was friends with that guy who sang really well called Derek who is super hot in real life, and she was even friends with that jerk Aaron. She had a much more consistent friendship life than either of her sisters–or her dads, for that matter. DJ pretty much just had Kimmy and Kathy Santoni, who is the friend they just mock anyways, and Stephanie was always friends with the “very special episode” people like Gina and that boy who had an abusive family.
…just to clarify: it is v. important to befriend people like that, as well. I’m just saying, Michelle was consistent.
10. And it is always okay to call someone out on their ish.