Everything I Need to Know, I Learned From Jerry Seinfeld

The always wonderful Jerry Seinfeld was born today. What better way to celebrate than with an EINTKILF?

EINTKILF Jerry Seinfeld 

1. Puffy shirts are always in fashion.

I will never understand exactly why this episode is as popular as it is, and I will never understand why the sight of Jerry in a puffy shirt is so hilarious, but regardless…this image brightens my day.

2. How to handle exes dating.

Jerry: Elaine, you always care who an ex girlfriend dates.You don’t want it to be someone you know, and you don’t want it to be someone better than you. Now even though the latter is obviously impossible, the former still applies.

Amen, amen, amen, Jerry. Truer words have never been spoken…except I think I am better than every single person that any of my exes could possibly dream up.

3. Don’t bother locking your door.

The two most iconic sitcoms of the ’90s are both entirely guilty of this lesson: never lock your door, apparently. Monica and Rachel / Joey and Chandler never locked their doors. Anyone could walk on in at anytime. Jerry is obviously guilty of this as well, considering Kramer’s entrance is arguably the most famous entrance in television history. And not only that, but all of Jerry’s friends walk into his apartment without knocking or having to unlock the door or anything.

And it’s New York, people! Isn’t that place dangerous? Eh, what are friends for?

4. Love thy neighbor.

Similarly, it is important to really know and love your neighbor. Neighbors are a great resource. Neighbors are the people who can be there for you as soon as you need them–for anything. Like a model, or a coffee table book, or a cigar manufacturer.

5. Hey, exes CAN still be friends!

Why don’t we ever talk about Jerry and Elaine when we are arguing that age-old “can men and women be friends” thing? I mean, we could argue that since Jerry and Elaine had a thing previously, they could never really be considered “friends,” but that would be a terrible argument because clearly Jerry and Elaine were always the best of friends.

6. “Even things that aren’t funny become funny because they’re so specific.”

That’s a quote from Seinfeld in real life, but how true is it? I believe it was quoted in regards to the episode when Jerry places a Pez dispenser on Elaine’s knee in the middle of a piano recital, but it is also entirely relevant to the way the show’s humor works. Before Seinfeld, sitcoms had involved plots, and back story, and events. Seinfeld was the first show to really throw four regular (well, okay…they are pretty eccentric) people into situations that their audience could actually relate to. Waiting for a table at a restaurant is absolutely something everyone has done, and though it doesn’t seem all that funny, it is one of the best episodes of any sitcom ever aired.

7. Don’t judge a date by her man hands.

Just saying, I have huge hands and I would never want anyone to break up with me for it. Or for having an awful laugh. Or for not being able to decide if I had fake breasts or not.

8. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

…I mean, enough said.

9. It really is the little things.

Similarly to focusing on the specifics, focusing on the little things in life is the best way to keep yourself happy. Old friends, diners, soup, conversation. That’s all you need anyway, right?

10. Other things: Be the master of your domain; don’t borrow money from friends; don’t stare directly at a lady’s cleavage; people on dates do not belong in public; oh, and–Jessicas are wonderful ladies. (I think Jessica Seinfeld is the bees knees.)

Featured image via , Jerry and Elaine image via seinfeld.wikia, man hands GIF via maandpa.

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