jessica tholmer
September 14, 2015 6:00 am

Two things. 1) I said I was writing “back to school” themed EINTKILFs this month and 2) I have NEVER written about Bart Simpson. Sure, I’ve written about every member of his family (except Maggie, whoops) and I have written about his show plenty of times but I have neglected poor Bart, even though he is very important to me. How does Bart fit into “back to school”? Well, he’s been in elementary school since 1987 sooooo. Here we go!

EINTKILF Bart Simpson

1. Being cunning is a great skill. 
I’m pretty sure Bart Simpson basically invented the word “cunning,” right? I mean, Bart is clever, intelligent on the down low, and very mischievous. Whether he is giving Principal Skinner hell, annoying his father, getting Milhouse into trouble, or prank calling Moe’s Tavern, he is always up to something. I have the biggest soft spot in the world for clever boys and it is 100000% because my older brother is Bart Simpson. Sure, Bart should not do most of the things he has done in his lifetime, but he’s really cute doing them, right?

2. Your mother always loves you.
Bart and Marge’s relationship is one that touches my heart and also makes me cry. He is trouble, but Bart will always be Marge‘s “special little guy.”

3. TV is life.
Like those of us who were raised on The Simpsons, Bart Simpson was raised on television. Bart and Lisa are often seen either alongside their family or with just each other—watching television. Sure, they play outside and they go to school and stuff, but they really watch a ton of TV. There are those moments when Lisa clearly feels guilty about watching too much television, but Bart accepted his fate a long time ago.

4. Try not to lie a LOT.
Because lying to your family isn’t great, but we all know that it happens. Bart lies to his family a lot, which means that when he isn’t lying. You know that story “The Boy Who Cried Wolf”? Of course you do! Well Bart is like that guy because sometimes he is really sick and then no one believes him. And sometimes he isn’t lying to his mom about a hot tub, but she doesn’t believe him so she follows him around forever and it strains their relationship! And sometimes he is lying because, well, sometimes you gotta.

5. Siblings are your world.
I am going to mostly ignore Maggie for this lesson and for that, I apologize.

But Bart and Lisa’s relationship is the most important TV sibling relationship to me. As aforementioned, my older brother is Bart and that would make me Lisa, so there are plenty of episodes of The Simpsons that my brother and I can relate to on a deeply spiritual level. Just kidding, but some of the situations Bart and Lisa have been through WE have been through! Bart annoys the life out of Lisa and Lisa is an overachiever and makes Bart feel bad about himself a lot which means when they have touching. They love each other unconditionally and thoroughly and so realistically.

6. Trying your hardest is worth more than a grade.
Speaking of water works, “Bart Gets an ‘F'” is one of the most touching episodes in Simpsons history. After Bart is threatened with failing the 4th grade, he actually studies and studies in an attempt to pass his history test. Bart gets an F, even after trying his darnedest, and breaks down crying to Mrs. Krabappel. She is impressed with how deeply affected he was by the F (combined with his surprising history knowledge in the moment) and passes him. The moment is touching and really important for Bart’s personal development.

7. Never give up on your heroes.
Nobody loves Krusty the Clown more than Bart Simpson. There are plenty of times that Krusty lets Bart down, yet he always accepts him back into his life. Beyond even that, Bart helps pick Krusty back up anytime he has a major life crisis including being the only person who doesn’t believe he is dead in “Bart the Fink.”

8. Love hurts.
Bart has been in love, or , you know, in like, plenty of times in the past 28 years. Between Becky, Jenda, Darcy, Jenny, and Jessica Lovejoy, Bart has seen his fair share of dating experience–especially for a 10-year-old. Though Bart tends to be the tough guy of the show (even more so than Nelson or any of his gang), Bart has a soft spot, as we all know. While involved with the stereotypical “pastor’s daughter” Jessica Lovejoy, Bart quickly realizes that she is even “badder” than he is! Though Bart is a bit of a troublemaker, he is a good kid at heart. Their relationship ends shortly after Jessica blames Bart for stealing from the collection plate at church.

Because pretty girls are important, but maintaining your not-terrible-just-slightly-mischievous reputation is more so.

9. Do what you feel.
In “Bart’s Inner Child,” Bart is coached by Brad Goodman, one of the only authority figures Bart ever learns to respect. Long story short: the entire town starts to act like Bart, which makes Bart feel empty because he can’t be a rebel if everyone is being a rebel. The episode is a great lesson in mob mentality (something The Simpsons does often, and always well) but it is an even more important lesson for young Bart. Do what you feel, regardless of the crowd around you.

10. Chalkboards suck.
And how could I possibly write a “back to school” post or a post about Bart Simpson without mentioning a chalkboard? Bart has written hundreds of messages over and over in his years. Has it taught him anything? Meh. Has it been entertaining? Of course.

Bart and Marge GIF . 

Related:

5 ways The Simpsons ruined my life

So The Simpsons might be based in Australia

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