jessica tholmer
August 11, 2014 12:58 pm

Unlike their ’80s counterparts—which pretty much explained the entire series premise in song—’90s sitcom theme songs were a little more experimental, or, at the very least, a little wiser. Here’s what I learned from the sitcom music of the ’90s:

EINTKILF ’90s TV Show Theme Songs
1. There are always second chances.

I always thought the Step by Step kids seemed super cute and fun to be around, and the lyrics in the song were super deep and adorable. Like our version of the Brady Bunch. It’s cool to combine families, y’all, and in general, second chances are rad.

“The deeper we fall / the stronger we stay
And we’ll be better / the second time around”

2. Get over it.

Family Matters, or as we called it, “Urkel,” was such a great show. Though I admittedly stopped watching this show and don’t even really know how it all ended, I really loved that line about there never being any good news in the newspaper page. Why? I was a pessimistic kid, apparently. But that is not what the lesson is. It’s more like, things suck, get over it.

“The moon may cry / we’re gonna smother the blues with tenderness”

. . .also had no idea those were the lyrics when I was a kid. Pretty sure I mumbled through it like a Nirvana song.

3. Everything will work out.

“. . .is that in each life some rain falls / but you also get some sun
And we’ll make out better than OK”

You know how Roseanne only had lyrics toward the end of the show? I wasn’t even mad about it because at least they kept her laughing. I love Roseanne’s laugh, and I love Roseanne. And I love this lesson, obviously. I am pretty much always a sucker for like. . .sunshine-after-the-rain inspirational song lyrics.

4. There’s no greater feelin‘ than the love of family. 

Sing it with me now.

5. BEING IN YOUR 20s SUCKS. 

“So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your job’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s D.O.A.
It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear
When it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year”

Man, I remember singing along to those lyrics happily when I was a kid, innocent and dumb as all get-out. I had no idea how much it would hit me as an ALMOST 27-year-old.

My job is a joke. I am usually broke, My love life is D.O.A. (well, it is pretty annoying most times, I guess it’s not totally dead). I have felt stuck in second gear for five years now (since I graduated college), and it usually is not my month, or year, but I guess I have good weeks. SOMETIMES.

6. Do not get into little fights. 

Or it will be total relocation. Gosh, if my mother was like the Fresh Prince‘s mother, my brothers would have been sent all over the place! She usually just said like, “go to your room!” not “go to “Bel-Air!”

And bonus points if you know the full version of that song. Treat yourself to a glass of orange juice in a champagne glass.

7. Don’t worry about being even slightly responsible. 

“When I wake up in the morning and the alarm gives out a warning”
(Why wasn’t the alarm set for earlier than when you have to leave!)
“I’m at the corner just in time to see the bus! fly! by!”
(Leave earlier, dude.)
“If the teacher pops a test, I’m know I’m in a mess”
(Try studying?)
“And my dog ate all my homework last night”
(Come on, now.)

Okay, you get the point, but also, what do kids say instead of a dog ate their homework? A dog ate their laptop, or. . . ?

8. What to look for in a man/roommate.

Oh, Mr. Cooper. I remember little to nothing about this show besides that fact that I thought Mr. Cooper was way cute. I mean, of course I did. Besides that, I thought this show was boring however when Googling song lyrics for lessons, I couldn’t resist these ones:

“I found a man who has a PhD in personality” and “He may be cute and all but that don’t pay this month’s rent.”

Oooooh, putting Coop on blast! The ladies then go on to sing that it’s good to have a friend, at least. Sorry, Mr. Cooper. Your charming personality does not pay the bills, but we can still hang out on separate couches if you want to watch a movie or something.

9. Get your ish together. 

I don’t want to wait for our lives to be over
I want to know right now, what will it be?
I don’t want to wait for our lives to be over
Will it be yes or will it be. . . sorry?”

I mean, right? Who wants to wait for anything ever? I don’t even like waiting in line at the grocery store. I don’t even like waiting for my laptop to boot up. I don’t even like waiting for my text messages to send before I get a response. I am seriously the worst.

I will admit I have never even seen one episode of Dawson’s Creek, but I know I would get sucked in real quick. Maybe I won’t read books this winter. Maybe I will finally marathon a TV show like you all seem to do so well. Jessica Tholmer: she’s just like us!

10. The meaning of life. 

“I wanna be the very best / like no one ever was
To catch them all is my real test / to train them is my cause”

No one has ever been more dedicated to anything ever than Ash Ketchum was to, well, catching them all.

Yeah, don’t judge me. I had a baby brother, and I could name all 150 Pokémon, and they were way cooler than the Digimon.

Special shout-outs to theme songs I love but could not pull a solid lesson from: Mad About You and Ally McBeal.

Featured image via here

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