jessica tholmer
November 18, 2013 9:00 am

Okay, I know I have written about Love, Actually before, but I watch it about a million times per holiday season (and scattered times throughout the regular year), and there are just far too many lessons packed into this perfect little film to not revisit it for my column. I know that every week, I teach you guys “everything” I have learned from a lot of different things, but in particular, I really have learned so much from this film. AND it is the ten year anniversary this year and everyone has been talking about it, so can you blame me? No, you can’t. Because you love Love, Actually too. So let’s do it.

EISNTKILF Love, Actually

1. The love of your life can be very unexpected. They are no one’s favorite love story, but Billy Mack and his “fat manager” are certainly the comic relief in between the tragic and heavier romance tales superbly interwoven throughout this beautiful film.

And if I am having a particularly emotional day, sometimes when Billy strangely air guitars his realization that his manager is the bloody love of his life, I cry. Love is all around us after all.

I am all about best friends being the true loves of our lives, anyway. More power to them.

2. You can find love in the strangest place. Like at your job as a stand-in for a love scene. News flash: Bilbo Baggins and Just Judy are not porn stars. I hate when people say that, I’m like…have you even been paying attention to this movie? What’s your deal, you don’t watch it twice a day like I do?

I digress. Though I’m about to have a similar “meeting people at work” rant, sometimes your job is unusual, and that makes finding love at work unusual. In conclusion, if you have a weird job, maybe you can still fall in love with one of your coworkers!

3. Andrew Lincoln is the hottest ever. I mean, I don’t really know if this is much of a “lesson,” but I really care about good looking men, and I just think we need to shout out that Andrew Lincoln has been really hot since even before The Walking Dead.

And though I talked about it in my first EINTKILF Love, Actually, I think it is important to note that I Mark and Juliet are my favorite storyline, and I empathize with all of the brokenheartedness inside of Mark.

4. Sometimes inconvenience should be overlooked.

David: Oh, no. That is so inconvenient.

Inconvenient situations are just real life, you guys. I know, I know. The Prime Minister falling in love with his secretary, publicly degrading the American President in her defense (kinda?), and then making out at an elementary school is probably not all that realistic, buuuuut…you know what is? Falling in love at work. With your boss, your coworker, your barista, whatever. It’s always inconvenient to love a coworker.

5. English girls are stuck-up. And American girls are easy? Colin is a funny guy with a funny, lighthearted story. And just for the record, he does have a cute British accent. And also for the record, I am continually saddened by the Americans representing Americans in this movie. Elisha Cuthbert? Billy Bob Thornton? Denise Richards?!

At least Laura Linney is here to represent.

6. How to find out if a girl is single. Both Harry (Alan Rickman) and David (Grant) manage to seamlessly ask their love interests (I know, I know it’s awful that Harry has a “love interest” that isn’t his wife, but that’s life) if they are dating anyone.

Mia: Wives and family and stuff? Harry: Yes. I mean…not children, but their wives, and girlfriends, etcetera. Oh, Christ, you haven’t got some horrible six-foot-tight-T-shirt wearing horrible boyfriend, have you? Mia: No. I’ll just be hanging around the mistletoe, waiting to be kissed.

Woof. But David’s is cute!

David: Erm, and you live with your husband? Boyfriend? Three illegitimate but charming children? Natalie: No. I’ve just split up with my boyfriend actually, so I’m back with my mum and dad for a while. David: Ah. Sorry. Natalie: No, it’s fine. I’m well shot of him. He said I was getting fat.

And he threatens to kill her ex-boyfriend. I love a murderous streak in my dudes.

7. The word “relationship” covers all matters of sin. And speaking of the Prime Minister’s degradation of the POTUS, this is my favorite line because it is just so incredibly true.

The first time my ex-boyfriend broke up with me (I hate myself for that sentence), I sent him an email that is still probably my proudest piece of writing ever. In it, and I’m sure this was Love, Actually inspired, I told him that we hadn’t been in an adult relationship—that we were hardly in a relationship except by definition of the word.

“I have a relationship with my dentist, I have a relationship with the checker at the bookstore, I have a relationship with my mother’s dog. The word relationship means nothing, and I always knew that this particular relationship was fabricated.”

I just quoted myself, but you know…the word relationship is really quite interesting.

8. Don’t dance with the devil at Christmas parties. I feel like this goes without saying, but you know…temptation is a real B. I have definitely been involved in some situations that could have set me up for whatever the opposite of success is, but I usually avoid them. Like, you know, if you have a boyfriend, hanging out with that one friend you have always had ridiculous amounts of sexual tension with is probs a bad idea. And if you are on a diet, going to The Cheesecake Factory seems like a bad idea. Trying not to drink wine for a month and ending up near the 2 Buck Chuck at Trader Joe’s is real dangerous. And if you are married to a goddess like Emma Thompson, temptation shouldn’t even exist at all, but dancing with your hot secretary who has already TOLD YOU that she is trying to get with you…while she’s dressed like a DEVIL at a CHRISTMAS party is definitely a bad idea. Especially in front of your wife because she’s not an idiot.

Oh, and also Marc: if you didn’t want Juliet to find out that you are in love with her, maybe filming just her at her wedding to your best friend was a dumb idea because sometimes, other people’s wedding videos turn out all blue and wibbly, DUH.

9. How to confront your cheating husband. And speaking of Emma Thompson’s brilliance.

Karen: Tell me, if you were in my position, what would you do? Harry: What position is that? Karen: Imagine your husband bought a gold necklace, and come Christmas gave it to somebody else. Harry: Oh, Karen. Karen: Would you wait around to find out if it’s just a necklace, or if it’s sex and a necklace, or if, worst of all, it’s a necklace and love? Would you stay, knowing life would always be a little bit worse? Or would you cut and run? Harry: Oh, God. I am so in the wrong. The classic fool. Karen: Yes, but you’ve also made a fool out of me, and you’ve made the life I lead foolish, too. 

Sob. Also, I can’t call Emma Thompson “Karen,” I like…have to call her Emma Thompson.

10. Other things: Liam Neeson can save anyone from anything; EMMA THOMPSON is the world; Laura Linney turns 50 next year and still looks 30; no one’s ever gonna shag you if you cry all the time; and sometimes, you’re just on the wrong continent.

Also, can someone give me an actual high-five for not mentioning the Titanic part again? (This doesn’t count.)

Featured image via . 

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