Everything I Need to Know, I Learned From 'Ghostbusters'
This has been on my EINTKILF list since I started writing this column, and what the heck better time to write about it then Halloween week, you know? I mean, Ghostbusters isn’t scary, but I mean…it has “ghost” in the title, so.
I mean, and Bill Murray. Always Bill Murray.
1. What constitutes as a disaster. Ray: Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Egon: Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes… Winston: The dead rising from the grave! Peter: Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!
I would like to add:
Clumpy mascara! Chipped nail polish! Accidentally sending a text message to the wrong person! Running out of coffee! Love triangles!
2. Don’t cross the streams!
3. There is a fine line between scientist and game show host.
Dana: You know, you don’t act like a scientist. Peter: They’re usually pretty stiff. Dana: You’re more like a game show host.
I have an ex that reminds me of a game show host. Actually, I think he pretty much relies on quoting this movie for conversation. Oh my god, did I accidentally date Venkman?
4. When someone asks you if you’re a god, you say “yes”!
No one has ever before asked me if I am a god, but I know what to do if it happens.
I would like to add that if someone tells you you are a goddess (obviously, I’ve been called worse things), you should never argue with them.
5. Sigourney Weaver is the coolest woman alive. Can I just have a Sigourney appreciation moment? I adore her. She represented the coolest female characters in the late 80s. Dana Barrett could have easily been an overlooked female character in a movie full of dudes, but she really holds her own. PLUS, it is really hard to continually turn down a charmer like Peter Venkman and she does it so many times.
…I mean, until she doesn’t. Eh, can’t win them all.
6. Also, Rick Moranis is adorable. Speaking of love triangles, Louis (Moranis, cutest man alive) has a super big crush on his neighbor Dana. Though she attempts kindness towards him, she is mostly irritated at his persistence.
At least Janine knows a good thing when she sees it.
Also, I think if my hair was red, I would look like her.
7. Sugar is dangerous.
Egon: Well, let’s say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of psychokinetic energy in the New York area. Based on this morning’s sample, it would be a Twinkie. Thirty-five feet long, weighing approximately six hundred pounds.
Twinkies and marshmallows. Who knew they could be so dangerous? Actually, I am not convinced about the marshmallows (yeah, even after Stay Puft), but I don’t trust any snack food that can outlast an apocalypse! That’s pretty weird.
8. Oh also, don’t date your clients. Or coworkers, or people you are forced to see while you are making money, whatever that may entail.
Ugh, I know I am being kind of hypocritical because I have mentioned how I am down to date coworkers before, but for this particular lesson, I am sticking with it because Dana and Peter are a mess.
9. Fake it until you make it. The Ghostbusters pretty much have no ground to stand on when they start their business, yet they talk the talk, and walk the walk anyway. And it works!
Maybe I should start telling people I’m dating Leonardo DiCaprio or something and it will eventually come true. Wait, that’s just lying, huh? Well I don’t want to be a liar. I don’t really know how to fake it until I make it, I guess.
10. Other things: Bill Murray is my hero; I’m naming my son Egon one day; and, um, Slimer rules.
Oh and please check out my older brother’s jean jacket. He had the Ghostbusters logo ironed onto his sleeve. Our mom was the coolest.
Have a safe and fun Halloween!