Erin Mallory Long
April 23, 2015 11:29 am

Something spectacular happened to me the other week. I saw a Cruel Intentions parody musical and it was incredible. Now if you just take the movie Cruel Intentions I’m already stoked but once you add in the fact that the characters can randomly break out into pop songs from the ‘90s then I’m hooked.

If you’re in Los Angeles Rockwell Table & Stage is putting on The Unauthorized Musical Parody of Cruel Intentions for the next few weeks and it is SO GOOD. So fun. And when I went Sarah Michelle Gellar and Sean Patrick Thomas were also there enjoying the show. And let me tell you, watching SMG be downright DELIGHTED by the show made it that more sweet for me.

I re-watched the movie right before seeing the musical which I worried would be too much Cruel Intentions and then quickly discovered it made the musical ALL the more enjoyable. Here are five ways Cruel Intentions ruined my life:

1. Forever Changed the Way I Viewed the Song “Bittersweet Symphony”

I mean, not quote myself but yes to quote myself, COME ON, RIGHT? I remember knowing the song when I watched Cruel Intentions, of course. And even kind of picturing the music video and then enjoying it at the end of this movie. But at some point (maybe after watching it 100,000 times) “Bittersweet Symphony” became the THING about Cruel Intentions for me. And I couldn’t think about one without remembering the other.

And don’t worry, the musical OBVIOUSLY ends with it and it is magical. (The amount of times I got chills during the musical or just gasped/clapped out loud were innumerable.)

2. Convinced Me High School Would Be Full of Sexual Games

Let me be clear: Kathryn and Sebastian are terrible people. I know that and you know that and their weird step-sibling relationship is uncomfortable, to say the least. But I still watched this movie with GLEE.

But the thing is, my high school experience was not like this at all (I know. TOTAL SHOCKER). I mean, we had no guy who was lying to and sleeping with everyone. No guy who was leaking naked pictures on the Internet and no new girl who was quoted in Seventeen Magazine about her virginity.

Just the idea of people in high school knowing how to play sexual games was so nerve-wracking to me and I feel lucky that never came up.

3. Made Me Realize I Loved Joshua Jackson No Matter His Hair Color 

One important thing to know about me is Dawson’s Creek was the single most important thing to my adolescence. Another thing to know about me is my bedroom walls were COVERED in pictures carefully cut from magazines. One person who was featured heavily was, of course, Joshua Jackson. Before TMZ and Twitter, I had to look in a magazine to see, “WHY IS JOSHUA JACKSON’S HAIR BLONDE?!?!?!?” And then read to discover it was because he was filming this movie.

And you know what? I liked it. Even with blonde hair he is still hot.

P.S. In the musical they expand his character with multiple songs and THAT is awesome too.

4. Worshipped Even Harder At the Alter of SMG

Buffy the Vampire Slayer is one of my favorite things in the world. Sarah Michelle Gellar specifically is another. This movie was SMG as a brunette (which I highly support) and being tough as nails. So I ADORED it. Duh.

I’m not gonna pretend Kathryn is a good role model, but she makes some good points about double standards in this movie.

5. Was the First Thing That Taught Me About the Dangers of the Internet

You might not remember, but Tara Reid has a small part in this movie as Swoosie Kurtz’s daughter. Sebastian posts naked pictures of her on a website thus ruining her life (in a very real way).

This – besides being horrifying – was also informative to me as a young teen who was sometimes messing around on the Internet. (OK, always.)

If you haven’t re-watched Cruel Intentions in a while I highly recommend it and I similarly highly recommend that musical scene from Not Another Teen Movie (remember how Chris Evans is in that?!?!)

Read more 5 Ways Something Ruined My Life here.

(Main image , Kathyrn sex gif via, Tara Reid pic via)

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