Paramount
Sophy Ziss
July 19, 2018 11:30 am

On July 19th, 1995, a lil’ film called Clueless swept into theaters and and took our world and hearts by surprise — and not just because the teen comedy was rated PG, which is incredible. (It’s wild what passed for “one step above children’s cartoons” in the mid-’90s!)

Twenty-three years later, it’s still one of the most beloved, and most quoted, films of all time, but Cher & Co. are so much more than just one-liners and amazing outfits. Taking a deeper look at the film, there are so many life lessons to take away from Clueless, like how to bake refrigerated cookie dough (you *have* to slice it first) and who Billie Holiday was (not a guy). And that if we could have anything in the world after world peace, it would for sure be a rotating, fashion-knowledgeable closet.

So, grab your favorite yellow plaid and tear open a pack of Mentos, because it’s time to enjoy these life lessons from Clueless.

1 Always do a lap before committing to a party location

You always do a lap to get a sense of the event before committing to your official location. Even if you’re just making a cameo!

2There are a lot of good euphemisms for having your period

Sometimes, surfin’ the crimson wave means an emergency run to the ladies. That’s a legit reason to be late to class, and also, a hilarious (albeit, horrifying) way to describe what it’s like to have your period. But where would we be without it?

3Be sure to always double check your source, because Hamlet didn’t say it — that Polonius guy did

But maybe, now that it’s 2018, update your reference to Richard Briers. Or like, literally any actor that’s ever played Polonius besides Mel Gibson. While Clueless is timeless, not all of the references hold up forever.

4 Alaïa is like, a really important designer

Not to mention, a fabulous, groundbreaking, and eternal one.

5Changing your grades is possible through negotiation!

Actually, never mind about this one. Cher’s genius ability to talk her way into and out of grades in *every* possible class is definitely something that would only work in a movie.

6Don’t shave your head at a party without at least consulting your girlfriend first

Ultimately, your look is your decision. But if your partner is attending the same event, and a third party offers to shave your head for free in the bathroom there, at least give them the courtesy of a heads-up first. Pun intended.

7Don’t drive without a license, particularly if you’re not any good at it

“Totally pausing” at stop signs is not a thing, and parallel parking is crucial. You also need to have the wherewithal to not get on the freeway unless it’s really where you want to be. Also, don’t hit people’s plants, and always open important-looking mail. And the most important takeaway we learned in Clueless: The ticket is the first warning.

Maybe it’s kind of a relief to know that there are some things even Cher Horowitz can’t get away with.

8Meddling in people’s love lives can work out for the best.

You know, catfishing your teachers is generally ill-advised, but if you’re clever enough to pull it off, more power to you. It did make life better for a lot of people!

9It’s cool to date your ex-stepbrother, provided he’s Paul Rudd

Look, most of the time, most of the time, I would not advise you to go be with the offspring of a person to whom one of your parents was once married. But like, if he looks like Paul Rudd, and he acts like Josh from Clueless, and he brings out a softer side in you, and the audience really wants it to happen? Go for it. You take your ageless Paul Rudd-lookin’ miracle of a former relative by law and you kiss that perfect face.

So, the happiest of birthdays to a film that launched an entire generation’s obsession with Paul Rudd and my ill-advised foray into high socks and platform sandals. How is this movie already 23? I’m totally buggin’.

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