Kit Steinkellner
February 20, 2016 7:00 am
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We are very familiar with the staff of Hogwarts. Like, we remember more of the Hogwarts teachers than we do of our high school faculties. Who was the inspirational English teacher who changed my life, dagnabbit, I forget, but remember when Gilderoy Lockhart taught Defense Against the Dark Arts?

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That said, we recently realized something kind of crazy about the staff of Hogwarts. Something that sets them apart from pretty much every school staff on Planet Earth.

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No, it’s not the whole teaching magic thing. Because obviously they also teach magic at other wizarding schools (and, at Beauxbatons, apparently an off-brand version of the Macarena).

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No, you guys, know, here’s the crazy thing about the Hogwarts staff: it’s ALL teachers and, like, NO administration.

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Okay, so there are a FEW Hogwarts staff members who are technically admin. Dumbledore’s headmaster:

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McGonagall’s deputy headmistress (and then, eventually, headmistress):

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Hagrid’s the Keeper of the Keys and Grounds groundskeeper:

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Filch is the caretaker custodian:

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Pomfrey’s the nurse:

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But where are the guidance counselors? For real, if Ron and Harry hadn’t had Hermione acting as their unofficial guidance counselor, those two would have been dead twelve times before they made it to their O.W.L.s (Also, without Hermione, they definitely would not have passed their O.W.L.s).

And, um, Hogwarts is a private school, who is running admissions, the Sorting Hat?

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And who’s in charge of the business office? Goblins? Are goblins coming into Hogwarts through the secret Hogsmeade passage to balance the books?

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Also, someone had to be heading up fundraising, because Hogwarts is NOT cheap to run, #YuleBall, #TriwizardTournament, #EveryMealTheyEatInTheGreatHall

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Rowling also established in the series that house elves are basically just cafeteria ladies who work for free unless you’re Dobby and then you make wizarding world minimum wage:

Maybe the house elves are also running admissions/the business office/fundraising for Hogwarts/working in the front office. Wait, question, does Hogwarts even HAVE a front office?

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So probably the house elves are doing all the other non-teaching jobs in addition to all their other unpaid labor. Or maybe each teacher has three extra things they have to do at Hogwarts besides teaching. There’s a reason why we never saw Flitwick, you guys, he was REALLY busy planning Casino Night to try to hustle all the wizarding parents into coughing up for a new Quidditch stadium.

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Or maybe… maybe… JUST MAYBE… all the admin work was done by (wait for it) ****MAGIC****

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