Trilby Beresford
August 26, 2016 12:03 pm

Last week, Amy Schumer finally released The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo into the world. And as expected, she delivered on being absolutely hysterical and 100% (unapologetically) honest. Here’s a handful of some of the best quotes about:

1. EDUCATION:

“My sister tested my IQ when she was getting her master’s degree in school psychology and I tested as a genius in half the categories and nearly cognitively impaired in the other half.”

2. PEOPLE CALLING HER A ‘FUNNY WOMAN‘:

“First, I’d like to thank all the people who pointed out that I was a woman … You made sure I didn’t lose sight of my ovaries. Thank you. Without your constant reminders, I may have just forgotten my uterus on a crosstown bus, but you guys made me perpetually aware that I bleed once a month and I can tell a joke!”

3. MONEY:

“I am like a rapper, but a manageable one. Or a lottery winner with a financial advisor and a sick sense of humor.”

4. IMPORTANT STUFF SHE OWNS:

“The thing I own more than most is wine, but please send more.”

5. LIFE ADVICE:

“Quick tip: Do not try to ditch a cab when you are blackout drunk and then get in bed naked with your mother. The cabdriver will follow you home and knock on your door, and then your mother will have to apologise and give him cash while you lie giggling and nude under the sheets.”

6. AND FINALLY, HERE’S SOMETHING WE DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT AMY SCHUMER:

“I am an introvert. I know you’re thinking – ‘what the f**k, Amy? You’re not shy, you’re a loud, boozy animal!’ Okay well fair enough. Sometimes that’s true. But I am without a doubt, a classic textbook introvert.”

Soooooo if it wasn’t clear already, everyone needs to get their hands on this book, quick smart!

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