Rachel Paige
June 13, 2015 11:40 am

I remember playing teacher a lot as a kid. I’d line up my stuffed animals in a row, and pass out fake lesson plans on blank pieces of paper, and there was always a break for recess. I remember it being a ton of fun (for a seven-year-old), but I never put too much thought into it since it was all pretend. Well, back when Michael M. was a kid, he put so much thought and effort into playing pretend that he actually created a maps, diagrams, and a handbook for his imaginary job at Jurassic Park.

Michael recently found some fossils from his childhood, and uploaded them to Imgur, explaining that they detailed his “fictional job as a computer programmer at Jurassic Park.”

“Broadly, the dossier consists of the impossibly dull minutiae of park admin leading up to the events of the movie. I essentially gave myself a boring office job in my spare time outside of school,” he writes. “At around 14 years old, I tried to charm a girl by saying if she ever wanted to know anything about dinosaurs, she could come to me. She had no idea how frighteningly deep that statement went.”

OK, but we’re charmed now, Michael. Just what kind of things did his job entail? Well, for starters, he had full access to all dinosaur embryos and the paddocks where the live dinosaurs were kept. He also got a wage of $50,000 a day (this kid’s got ambition). All of this was also stored in a very official Jurassic Park 3-ring binder, which I assume was given to all new hires during their orientation of the island.

1994 Michael also had access to all the Jurassic Park vehicles, including the helicopters — obviously, in case he needs to make a quick getaway.

He also mapped out dinosaur DNA, and it looks legit. I’ll believe that’s the DNA for a raptor. Someone give this guy a raise.

If you want to take a charming little trip back to Michael’s childhood — and live out your own dinosaur-loving childhood vicariously, too — you can check out the rest of his images here. Hopefully in another 20-years we’ll get this kind of amazingness from all the kids seeing Jurassic World this weekend.

(Images via here and here.)

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