Best Brassy Brunettes of the '90s
There are lots of words that start with a B that I could have replaced “brassy” with in the title. Bratty, brash, bossy, biting and of course, b*tchy, come to mind. But I think brassy best describes what I mean which is basically, brunettes with an edge. Everyone on this list was my brunette role model when I was a small brunette child. And these characters were ABUNDANT in the 90s, it seems!
It pains me that The O.C. isn’t from the ’90s because Summer Roberts is the epitome of this for me and I still talk about “rage blackouts” because of her. Also, Summer Roberts 2.0 (and engaged to Adam Brody which makes it even weirder) aka Blaire Waldorf. Also, anyone see White House Down? The daughter in that movie is one of my new favorite young brassy brunettes. See also Arya Stark on Game of Thrones. The list goes on and on.
The epitome of ’90s Brassy Brunettes is none other than Daria Morgendorffer. She’s quick-witted and sharp and way too smart and sarcastic. She is the ideal all other ’90s Brassy Brunettes are held to.
Elaine Benes, Seinfeld
Elaine is the master of the comeback/insult/is a dancing machine. (You’ll find most of these brassy brunettes are quick-witted and that is the main reason I loved them)
There are way too many great Elaine quotes but I always love this bit from “The Yada Yada.”
GEORGE: You don’t think she’d yada yada sex?
ELAINE: I’ve yada yada’d sex.
ELAINE: Yeah. I met this lawyer, we went out to dinner, I had the lobster bisque, we went back to my place, yada yada yada, I never heard from him again.
JERRY: But you yada yada’d over the best part.
ELAINE: No, I mentioned the bisque.
Cordelia Chase, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Cordelia is brassy from the beginning and even once she joined the Scooby Gang she still is excellent at quips and comebacks and everything. She, like Summer Roberts, ends up dating and falling for someone she used to tease and because of that, has a lot of quips that are basically self preservation tactics. (Not to psychoanalyze or anything but this is probably why I love them.)
Joey Potter, Dawson’s Creek
Joey, Joey, Joey. When I met Joey Potter at the age of 13 I finally felt like I had met a soulmate. She asks Jen was number her hair is in the PILOT EPISODE and is constantly teasing and protecting her own feelings throughout the series.
Valerie Malone, Beverly Hills, 90210
Brenda Walsh is the main brunette on 90210 but she comes onto the scene as a naïve Midwestern girl so she doesn’t work for this list. Valerie Malone was my girl as soon as she joined the gang. She was constantly scheming and lying and drinking and generally getting into trouble. I’d say she’s a touch MORE than brassy (okay a lot more than brassy) but since Kelly Taylor eventually forgave her, I can too.
Belle, Beauty and the Beast
Belle is definitely my Disney princess. She was into reading, she loved the color blue, she spurned Gaston’s advances. Love. She’s even firm with the Beast when she’s tending to his wounds. She’s caring but sticks to her guns and I love her.
Stacey Carosi, Saved By the Bell
I was recently on April Richardson’s “Go Bayside” podcast and we watched the first episode where Stacey Carosi shows up, “Zack’s Birthday.” Well, in the podcast I revealed that Stacey Carosi was a childhood idol of mine. And I was not joking. She was the brash New Yorker (but I guess she was actually from California) I wanted to be. She constantly puts down Zack and the gang for being idiots and
Jessica Lovejoy, The Simpsons
Oh Jessica Lovejoy. So pretty, so manipulative. Has Bart and every boy wrapped around her little finger. It doesn’t hurt that another love of mine, Meryl Streep, does her voice. Jessica is one of the baddest brunettes on this list and if she wasn’t animated, she might be too bad to even qualify but as it stands she’s the perfect amount of brassy for me.
Jackie Burkhart, That 70’s Show
My favorite thing about That 70’s Show was Jackie. She is biting and brassy and amazing. And some of my favorite things about Mila Kunis were learning that she lied about her age to get on this show, saying she’d be 18 on her birthday when really she was 14 and then also seeing an interview where she said her favorite place to shop was Gap Kids.
Audrey Horne, Twin Peaks
Audrey is pretty tortured as far as characters on Twin Peaks are concerned. But she’s also well-dressed, confident, and I mean, anyone who says the line “I’m Audrey Horne and I get what I want” is a favorite of mine.
Monica Geller, Friends
Monica definitely softens up throughout the series but at the beginning she is picky and particular and critical of everyone and everything.
Any other brassy brunettes of the 90s you loved? Let me know!