After a season of vampires, people being sewn into mattresses, and fashion shows, it’s time to check out of Hotel Cortez. American Horror Story: Hotel wrapped up the season by answering roughly 6 of the 1 gazillion questions raised over the last 12 episodes — which after five seasons, we know AHS loves to do. Because nothing says “horror story” like unanswered questions.
As you know, often times lingering questions are answered in other AHS seasons, so keep hope alive we’ll figure out what the heck happened within the walls of Cortez. But there’s no way future AHS seasons are ever going to answer ALL the questions, like:
1. How is Scarlett so cool with the fact that she’s the only human in her family?
2. How is Scarlett so cool with the fact that her mother and younger brother are both vampires — sorry, have a “blood disease?”
3. How is Scarlett so cool with the fact that her dad is a GHOST and can only appear on one day at year, October 30th?
4. How is Scarlett so cool with literally everything?
5. Old Scarlett look a little bit like Violet Harmon, yeah?
6. Did John see his family at all on Devil’s Night, or did he just climb into bed with them and fall asleep…?
7. And the importance of 2:25am is… ??
8. Are we just not going to talk about the fact that suddenly Sally was blowing on up Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, and probably Peach?
9. Are we just not going to talk about the fact that like, Sally was stopped dead (sorry) in her tracks with a smart phone?
10. When Sally posted to Instagram, she didn’t include any hashtags, so how did she get so many likes so quickly?
11. Can we consider Sally the first Ghost Influencer?
12. Why did Sally never try to get her hands on technology before 2015/2016?
13. Why doesn’t our real world exist with two versions of Sarah Paulson?
14. Why did no one bother to question the fact that suddenly there were two Sarah Paulsons?
15. What happened to Will Drake’s son, Lachlan?
16. Does Lachlan know that his dad is an immortal vampire?
17. Was the show about Liz this whole time, and we just didn’t see it?
18. If Liz was really the “first woman with prostate cancer,” and seeing as how she was a total diva, why didn’t she shout that from the rooftops?
19. Were we supposed to cry during that scene where the ghosts killed Liz? Asking for a friend.
20. Did the Cortez ever become a historical landmark?
21. Did the Cortez ever get that coveted 5-star review?
22. How did Liz and Iris even afford that fancy toilet with barely anyone staying in the hotel?
23. Wouldn’t everyone on the board of the Will Drake fashion line question how Liz was never aging?
24. Maybe I just don’t understand how a ghost can kill a human being… but like how?
25. HOW DID NO ONE REALIZE THE COUNTESS NEVER AGED?
26. What happened to Bartholomew?
27. HOW DID NO ONE REALIZE SO MANY PEOPLE DISAPPEARED AT THIS HOTEL?
28. Billie Dean Howard mentions a super haunted house a little west of the Cortez, so does that mean things are still going strong at Murder House?
29. If the most famed murderers can only appear on Devil’s Night, how are they going to track down and kill Billie Dean if she’s not at the hotel on Devil’s Night?
30. Or is there some rule that if you’re a mass-murder ghost, you are free to wander the globe on Devil’s Night, as long as you show up at Cortez for cocktails afterwards?
31. We never did see the Cortez pool, did we?
32. When can we expect American Horror Story: Lily Rabe (where she plays every character and wins a thousand Emmys)?
33. Can we hold out hope for Max Greenfield to show up in another AHS season?
34. Can the next season be AHS: Space? Pleeeaaaase Ryan Murphy?
(Image via FX, FX/Giphy)