I recently had the pleasure of experiencing the best night of my life. You may be thinking that I got all dressed up and said “I do”, but in fact, I did not get married. So, what did happen on this extraordinary evening, you ask? I saw Maroon 5 in concert, consequently putting me within feet of the love of many, many lives these days, Mr. Adam Levine.
Maroon 5’s performance was nothing shy of wicked; the balance of old-school hits that won over America’s pop-rock hearts back when they crashed the scene and the best-of-the-best from their new album, Overexposed, was perfection. Days later I am still on an epic high and am pretty certain that, unless I am standing in a temple across from the six-foot tall, white t-shirt wearing frontman in the years to come, it may remain the best night of my life for the foreseeable future. Aging gracefully is one thing, but this entire band continues to get monumentally better with each passing year. The fact that Levine quite easily takes the cake in terms of swag while keeping such impressive company leads me to the conclusion that we must discuss exactly how he does it. I’ve said it before but, i’ll be happy to say it again; the man, the myth, the legend continues to prove that the universe simply has an unjust way of showing us that life really isn’t fair. We may have already established that his plain white tee, mischievous smile, Jagger-like moves and budding bromance with Blake Shelton make him the most wanted man in pop culture today, but I have managed to round up six more reasons Adam Levine is the ultimate heartbreaker.
Beware of The Stare. I believe five is a fair guess when approximating the number of seconds one would be able to mentally and emotionally handle Adam Levine’s smoldering gaze. The heat that comes from this man’s eyes is comparable to the sun as it shines through a magnifying glass. And that thing that’s smoking? Yeah, that’s your heart as it nearly bursts into flames. When combined with his previously ogled over 1000-watt grin, he almost makes you think he has no idea how emphatically charming he is. Whether accidental or carefully curated, those peepers are intoxicating. I repeat: beware.
25. The number of insanely sexy tattoos Levine is said to be sporting these days. Let’s get real, ladies and gents – pulling off a large bicep/forearm tiger tattoo is no easy feat, and we are talking about one of the only men who not only pulls it off, but makes it simply irresistible. His wide variety of ink may be (definitely is) seductive, but also sentimental. A large majority of his body art holds great personal meaning; a design on his forearm that immortalizes his mom, an X used to symbolize Maroon 5reaching their ten year anniversary and a paw print with the words “Frankie Girl” scripted underneath in honor of his golden retriever and “personal hero”. Obviously, Levine’s bad boy exterior is soft at the core, making him like, the most tempting tatted up front man ever. Safe to say he has us all waiting with baited breath for the reveal of number 26.
Humble and self-deprecating are not the first qualities that come to mind when pop stars are the topic of conversation, but just when you think this swoon-inducing badass is the epitome of a sexy rock god, he pours on a thick layer of “average Joe” and ups the ante. The crooner never takes life too seriously, has a notoriously rebellious “beat of his own drum” attitude and is the first to crack a joke at his own expense; Levine often claims that the voice capable of making millions of women weak in the knees sounds like a girl’s. Self-deprecating humor is a characteristic found in too few men, let alone in one who doesn’t need the quality to make him anymore desirable. Still not convinced he hasn’t mastered the balance of totally cute and unattainably sexy? You might as well set the cynicism aside, because he has also known most of his band mates since the 7th grade, making him a totally loyal guy’s guy who is rumored to be a true dork at heart; the best ones always are. There has even been word of his ownership of an extensive collection of superhero underwear. To set everyone’s mind at ease, I will continue to try and obtain proof.
A little lost in love? Levine wears his heart on the sleeve of that famously sexy white tee, forcing us all to continue pondering the ways we could capture it. Despite the countless women who would line up at the chance to pledge their love for him, the resident hottie recently admitted to Nylon magazine that he isn’t sure marriage is in the cards for him and cooly schooled Jay Leno on the theory that marriage is something that should be carefully considered. When it comes to his heart, the ladies man confessed in a separate interview that it has definitely been bruised revealing, “Yes (his heart has been broken.) Going through having your heart broken is something I dread more than anything. But it’s a huge part of being whole as a human being.” The truth finally comes out and it all makes sense; we are always after the ones whose hearts need a little TLC.
What comes after a triple threat? A quadruple threat? Whatever it is, our favorite multi-instrument playing, singer/songwriter embodies it. The man made famous by his vocals took a stab at acting this past year on American Horror Story, with more to come, and also opened his own record label, 222 Records. To that label, he signed the insanely brilliant, resident HelloGiggles rockstar Rozzi Crane. This obviously proves that he not only has impeccable taste in fashion (first rule in fashion: if something works, you work it hard – HELLO, white tee!) but also in up-and-coming crazy talent. You have to love a man with good taste. And how about fostering that talent? Levine gave Miss Rozzi the opportunity to showcase her pipes this spring and summer on both of Maroon 5’s 2013 tours. Rozzi definitely has the HelloGiggles vote, and if for some insane reason you weren’t already pining after Adam, his belief in her should absolutely win you over.
Personality and sex symbol status aside, Levine is the king of the pop-rock love song. Not that he doesn’t steal our hearts on all accounts, but possibly above all else, he can belt out a ballad like none other, producing lyrics that make our hearts beat wildly in our chest. I literally begin to melt the second he utters the first words of “Won’t Go Home Without You.” Other standouts for review…
Sunday mornin’ rain is falling,
Steal some covers, share some skin.
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable,
You twist to fit the mold that I am in.
Fingers trace your every outline,
Paint a picture with my hands.
Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm,
Change of weather, still together when it ends.
Tap on my window, knock on my door,
I want to make you feel beautiful.
-She Will Be Loved
If I fall for you, I’ll never recover.
If I fall for you, I’ll never be the same.
I really wanna love somebody, I really wanna dance the night away.
I know we’re only halfway there, but you take me all the way.
When in possession of the swag that launched a thousands swoons, you don’t have to say exactly what every girl wants to hear, but Levine manages to also seal the lyrical deal. The men I know can barely put a romantic sentence together without using the word “uh” so this hottie running rhapsodic circles around a large majority of the population does nothing but make us blush every time the microphone moves to his mouth.
They say it is hard to have it all, but I say it is nearly impossible to argue that Levine is missing much of anything. There was never any doubt that the chart-topping Maroon 5 lead was a heartbreaker, but his live performance further convinced me of his power to prove that, unless we somehow all get to date him, life truly is not fair. Hollywood’s eyes may be scanning the hills for the next big thing, but my eyes are glued to the man who doesn’t seem to be giving up the top spot anytime soon. It’s hard to compete with someone who mastered his moves long ago, yet just keeps getting better with age.
Didn’t get the chance to scream at a decibel only dogs can hear while Levine and his band mates sang to you this summer? Serious bummer, but don’t forget The Voice is back and he continues to get more adorable with every chair turn. Go ahead, let him break your heart ten ways ’til Sunday. It is totally worth it.