5 ways ‘Beauty and the Beast’ ruined my life
In 1989, I was 5 years old and my newest favorite thing ever was The Little Mermaid. I of course had been already watching and loving Disney movies at home, but The Little Mermaid was the first one I got to see in the theaters and have it be brand new. The only thing I found troubling, as a small girl was that Ursula in disguise is a (very pretty, but evil), brunette. Now, I think we should have Disney princesses of literally every single ethnic background and appearance because I want everyone to have their princess, you know? And I LOVED Ariel, but I always felt kinda bad that the girl in this movie with brown hair, like mine, was straight evil.
Enter: Beauty and the Beast in 1991. Suddenly someone had the same shade of brown hair I did and my life (as a 7-year-old) was complete. I was fascinated by the idea of all the fancy computer animation in Beauty and the Beast and would spend many hours at future slumber parties singing all the songs with my friends.
Here are five ways Beauty and the Beast ruined my life:
1. Straight Up Wanted to Be Belle
I wanted to be Belle to an intense degree. And really thought I WAS her. I was only slightly bummed she had brown eyes instead of blue eyes so we couldn’t be twins. But Belle is a reader, she’s sarcastic, she was everything I was already and everything I wanted to be in the future! I wanted to sing like her, and look like her, and have witty comebacks towards all the Gastons in my life!
2. Liked Him Way Better As the Beast
Let’s be real. The Beast is way cuter than the Prince. SORRY! But it’s true!
That Prince face is weird and when he changes to the Prince and lights shoot out of his fingers and stuff, it’s so weird and gross and that’s when I tune out of the movie. KEEP THE BEAST! GET RID OF THE PRINCE!
3. Want All My Inanimate Objects to Come to Life
Look, I “get” it. I “get” that the Beast’s fun friends are humans trapped inside inanimate objects. They are miserable and trapped by a terrible curse.
BUT THEY ARE CUTE.
So cute, in fact, that, much like the Beast turning into the Prince, I get very disappointed when they turn into humans. You watch the whole movie and make these friends and then at the end they TAKE ALL YOUR FRIENDS AWAY. This is sadder than the opening of Up.
As a child I kept looking at the furniture in my room and lamenting the fact that it couldn’t talk to me. Of course, if this had happened I would have been A. terrified and B. put in a mental institution. But still. We can dream!
4. Spent Hours of My Life Perfecting Her Voice
This is a huge one for me. I, like many young children, LOVED singing. So Disney movies were (and are) perfect for me. I remember singing and not really thinking about it and my dad advising me to try to sing “like Belle.” So I listened to her voice, really really hard, and I perfected it. I’d seen the movie so many times that it was actually pretty easy. I can still sing all of the opening song including the half-spoken bits in the book shop.
5. Calling Someone Gaston is Still the Biggest Insult I Can Come Up With
Gaston is THE WORST. Calling someone a Gaston means they’re full of themselves, they’re a brute, they’re overbearing, they’re gross, they feel entitled to things and PEOPLE that are not theirs (no people belong to other people, but you get what I’m saying). I mean he sets up a wedding ASSUMING Belle will marry him! Disgusting. If I ever call you a Gaston run away because I am FUMING MAD at you.
Tale as old as time . . .