Mary Grace Garis
December 14, 2015 8:09 am

This is probably an unpopular decision for anyone who didn’t wear black lipstick in middle school, but Edward Scissorhands is my favorite Johnny Depp movie. I know, I know, Captain Jack Sparrow is one of the great nu-classic icons, and poor Edward never popped up in a Disney theme park. Honestly, though, Edward Scissorhands is turning 25 years old this week, and your boy Jack has yet to enter his terrible teens, so in honor of this momentous occasion we’re gonna turn our affections on the former.

But ok, what makes it top tier as a Johnny Depp film…or a top tier Tim Burton film? Because professional life mates Johnny Depp and Tim Burton have collaborated a half gazillion times, almost to the point of parody. This union begins with Edward Scissorhands, though, and if you were able to capture lightening in a bottle like you did with this twisted fairytale, then yeah, you would hire Depp for every movie too. Something just shines through in all the gloominess: that heart of Burton’s teenage isolation beats inside Johnny’s forlorn monster. Edward Scissorhands has a pureness that makes it so special.

Oh, and Ed Wood is a close second, really all the Edwards are good to me. But again. One Depp at a time.

If I haven’t convinced you enough, consider these 25 reasons why Edward Scissorhands is nothing short of dark magic.

1. Danny Elfman’s opening theme and its broken music box vibe that pierces your very heart. (Twaaaaang)

2. Created in 1990, this was peak Tim Burton.

3. The pastel surreality of suburbia.

4. Edward’s black bird’s nest Robert Smith hair.

5. The very Cabinet of Doctor Calgari-esque palace that Edward resides in.

6. It marks Vincent Price’s last film, and he plays, of course, a kind-hearted mad scientist.

7. Peg Boggs is basically everyone’s mom…or at least she’s definitely mine.

8. Johnny Depp’s ability to convey so much emotion and innocence with his wide eyed gazes and lack of lines, silent movie style.

9. The fact that Edward’s quiet but gentle nature was based on the scriptwriter’s dog.

10. The shock of seeing perennial ’80s geek Anthony Michael Hall as a jock.

11. The fact that Johnny and Winona Ryder were dating IRL during the filming of this (!!!!!)

12. The fact that Winona Ryder is in this in the first place because she is the ’90s teen dream.

13. Haircuts that are usually only seen in Doctor Seuss books.

14. Edward’s hilarious staggered walk after Kim gets home and gets scared to death by his presence.

15. The purple complexion Edward gets with Peg tries to cover up his scars (don’t we all relate to those foundation feels?)

16. “And then she showed me the back room where she took all of her clothes off.” Awwwww, babe.

17. It gave you considerably more goth cred in 7th grade than Nightmare Before Christmas did, maybe because it wasn’t plastered all over Hot Topic in the same way (this one might just be Mary Grace-specific).

18. Kim’s satin off-the-shoulder white dress and how it contrasts with Edward’s black bondage get-up.

19. Kim’s weird slow motion twirling which is actually pretty laughable if you if you really imagine how it would look in reality.

20. All the heaving sobs at, “Hold me.” “I can’t.”

21. The absurd yet lovely implication that Edward is the reason snow exists in this strange little town.

22. It manages to put a unique, modern, whimsical twist on what’s essentially a classic Frankenstein story.

23. The gentle undertones of Christmastime that creep out at the film’s climax.

24. The tragically beautiful message that creative-minded individuals will always have a hard time being understood by a straight-laced society.

25. And of course, a puppy that’s groomed to look like a lion.

It’s the abridged version. I think you get my point though. I will be around at all times to debate (or celebrate) your own favorite Johnny Depp on Twitter, but I stand strong by my stance. Team Edward forever.

[Images via 20th Century Fox]

Advertisement