Sophia Elias
Updated August 12, 2014

This week, Billy Joel serenaded former supermodel and ex-wife Christie Brinkley with his 1983 hit “Uptown Girl.” This wasn’t just any ol’ serenade, though. If you ’80s babies remember, Christie Brinkley was Billy’s real-life love interest in the video. Romance aside, “Uptown Girl” is exceptional for a number of other reasons. For one, I think every car mechanic in this video has a BFA in musical theater. But most importantly, the video is chock full of ’80s moments we just can’t ignore (this includes a dramatic hair flip from Christie on the back of a motorcycle).

Not to take anything away from Billy Joel’s romantic serenade, but “Uptown Girl” got us thinking about how special music videos from the ’80s really are. Between the fuzzy graphics and nonsensical narratives, trust me when I say I’m just as confused as you are. Here are 20 things that only happen in ’80s music videos:

1. Mechanics had perfectly choreographed dance moves

2. You could hold hands with a drawing

3. The term “health kick” was taken wayyy out of context (sorry, yoga ball)

4. Cats played trumpets. . . and it was stressful

5. A tube of lipstick was a fine living situation

6. Nobody batted an eye during this alien slapping contest

7. Pinto beans were truly appreciated

8. You could shut down New York City streets for personal dancing purposes

9. Floods with giant goldfish were no big deal

10. Nightmares were a cross between Hollywood Squares and The Perfect Storm

11. Backup dancers didn’t actually need to be there to back you up

12. Dolphin breaching was only fun in the company of your clones

13. Unoccupied shoes were very active in the dance community

14. But they also had a tendency to, you know, “walk all over you.” (Ha-ha)

15. This guy took matters into his own hands, and look what happened–fireworks!

16. Life’s nagging questions were accompanied by four pearl necklaces

17. Spinning around fast enough allowed you to change the color of a room

18. Drumsticks could second as glow sticks (and vise versa)

19. You could replicate the solar system in your hair if you tried hard enough

20. Eye patches were like donations: voluntary, but encouraged

Are you dizzy yet?

Featured image via.