Gina Vaynshteyn
November 19, 2013 10:00 am

I’m not going to lie to you guys and say I wasn’t first in line the day Starbucks released their yearly pumpkin spice syrup into hot steaming espresso, or that I didn’t totally make Pillsbury’s pumpkin spice cookies two weekends in a row. I love holiday snacks and I am not ashamed.

For some reason though, the food and beverage industry have really upped the ante this year. I’m used to the eggnog displays, the gingerbread flavored creamers, and candy cane cookies, but there are some snacks that are just too weird even for me. While you can rest assured that I’ll be shoveling peppermint-flavored Oreos down my throat until New Years, there is most likely no way that I’m going to purchase an entire bag of gingerbread M&Ms. Well, okay, I lied. I would totally try gingerbread M&Ms because there is almost nothing edible in this world that I wouldn’t try (except for maybe dehydrated eggs or brain).

Anyway, these are the WINNERS of this year’s holiday snack selection:

1. Mike’s Hard Chocolate Cherry Lemonade

Okay, this may not be your typical wine cooler flavor, but I’ve tried it and it’s good. But I also like whipped cream and peppered mango flavored vodka, so maybe I’m not the best person to get weird flavored liquor advice from.

 2. Pumpkin Cream Cheese from Trader Joe’s

This spread is heavenly on chocolate chip bagels. Or bread. Or anything carb-like you have in your kitchen. And while you’re at Trader Joe’s, be sure to pick up a bag of candy cane Trader Joe Joe’s. They’re the best.

 3. Gingerbread Twix

Since Twix is already a candy-cookie, I think this gingerbread integration makes complete sense. I trust the Gingerbread Twix.

 4. Diet Cranberry Ginger Ale

I know this drink may seem boring, but have you tried cranberry ginger ale before? When I’m not using it as a mixer, I’m also just gulping it down as a guilt-free soda option. It’s delicious.

 5. Pecan Pie ice-cream

I actually really dislike pecan pie. It’s texture is too gooey, and frankly, it’s just too sweet. However, when this flavor is translated into ice-cream, I am all about the frozen maple-y goodness that is almost like butter pecan, but way better.

6. Pumpkin Pie Pop Tarts

I love Poptarts, and I like pumpkin pie, so this combination must make sense, right?! Especially if you actually toast it in the morning. It will be like having a frosted pumpkin pie for breakfast! Except thinner and wrapped in plastic that looks like foil.

Now, let’s get to the fun part. Behold, the holiday snack LOSERS:

 1. Gingerbread M&Ms

This questionable filling makes me wonder what else M&M has in store for us. Eggnog M&Ms? Peppermint mocha M&Ms (which actually sound delicious)?

2. McDonald’s Sweet Potato Pies

Sweet potato pies are just pumpkin pie wannabes. And mini pumpkin pie wannabes in the form of fast food makes me extremely nervous. Will they come with whipped cream? Are they actually made with real sweet potatoes? Are they the perfect dessert for the McRib? Oh, McDonalds. You vex me.

3. Jones Soda Holiday Pack

Every year, Jones Soda releases some fairly disgusting holiday flavors, such as turkey and gravy, mashed potato and butter, dinner roll, antacid (seriously), and latke. Everyone always says they’re never going to drink these sodas, but quite frankly, they are just too weird not to drink.

 4. White Chocolate Peppermint / Pumpkin Pie Spice / Cinnamon & Sugar Pringles

I like the combination of savory and sweet, like Thai food or chocolate dipped potato chips, but the thought of thin crispy chips that are trying to taste like peppermint bark and pie gross me out. I can’t do it.

 5. Turkey Doritos

Okay, I’m totally intrigued. Can I dip these in cranberry sauce?

 6. Bacon flavored candy canes

This is a thing that exists somewhere in the world. While I whole heartedly love bacon just as much as the next person (or Ron Swanson), I cannot do bacon candy canes. What happened to Starburst or Jolly Rancher candy canes? Why do we have to get all greedy and insist candy canes must come meat flavored? What is going on?

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