Abby Diaz
April 18, 2013 6:00 am

I would be on pins and needles listening to Julia Louis Dreyfus read the phone book. I would be more alert and aware of each passing second than I was on my wedding day or the time I thought I saw my deceased grandfather walking down the street. I would try to absorb every detail on the off chance that internalizing her words would also allow me to internalize her hair, skin, and wardrobe.

Apparently, her therapist does not share my passion/enthusiasm.

Julia was recently on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. She confessed that she had seen a therapist, and the dude FELL ASLEEP WHILE SHE WAS TALKING! That seems like some sort of sin, scientific impossibility or Seinfeld episode.

She was a good sport about it – at least describing it in retrospect. It goes without saying, though, that therapy finds people at their most vulnerable. There is nothing positive about going in with issues and leaving with a new one: you’re boring, or not worth the attention of the person you’re paying to give you attention. It should also go without saying, then, that if your therapist falls asleep during one of your sessions, it’s time to find a new therapist.

Here are other indicators that your professional is behaving unprofessionally:

  1. Your lawyer’s office has bars on the windows, metal tables that are affixed to the floor and a view of “the yard.”
  2. Your doctor asks you to call him Doogie Howser or George Clooney.
  3. Your plumber asks where you keep the Drano.
  4. Your investment advisor tells you she didn’t buy Apple because she doesn’t trust men named Steve.
  5. Your agent books you an audition for Real Housewives of Newark. You live in a dorm. And you are a violinist.
  6. Your professor asks you whether it’s “i before e, especially after c,” or if that’s just some lie the government wants us to believe.
  7. Your coach spends the entire season drilling you on Justin Bieber lyrics.
  8. Your director consumes all of the rehearsal time sobbing “what’s my motivation? WHAT’S MY MOTIVATION?!?”
  9. Your hair stylist won’t let you look in a mirror during your hair cut, and suggests that you refrain from looking in one for 6-8 months post-cut.
  10. Your manicurist takes alarmingly deep sniffs of the polish before every stroke on your nail.

If any of these things is true in your relationship with any such professional, might I recommend a Google search or an Angie’s list membership.

Featured Image Via Shutterstock

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