jessica tholmer
April 12, 2013 7:00 am

Good news, everybody! Today is Claire Danes’ birthday. I would tell you how old she is, but someone told me once that you should never discuss a woman’s age. Plus, you can just Google it! Don’t be lazy! You guys expect me to do everything for you these days. I know a ton of your useless knowledge about lessons in movies and television shows comes from me, but I have to draw the line somewhere.

We can still celebrate together, though. I’m not that mad about the age thing.

The Best Things Claire Dane Has Done in Her Life
or To Claire, on Her 34th Birthday (dang it! I just told you guys how old she is!)

1. She went to Yale!
Yeah, I am one of those obnoxious people who think movie stars who went to pretentious–shoot I mean prestigious–colleges are really, really cool. Plus, Oliver Stone wrote her letter of recc to get in. I think it is a federal law to deny Oliver Stone what he is requesting, so. Shoo-in, clearly. (She didn’t graduate though, she just decided she was finished.)

2. She portrayed Angela Chase!

3. And Temple Grandin.
In case you don’t know who Miss Grandin is: she is this incredible, incredible woman who, despite being diagnosed with autism, became a doctor of animal science, a professor, an author, and a serious activist for autism awareness. So she is basically the coolest woman ever, and Danes played her in a television movie, so she gets second coolest person ever points for that.

4. She cries.
Okay I’ma breeze over this one because I don’t even watch Homelandso I could never understand the whole crying thing, but everyone is always tweeting about it and our own David Dean wrote about it, so I don’t know. It must be a thing.

5. Beth March.

Please don’t judge me, but I love the movie Little Women more than I love the book. I know it’s horrible, and totally not a thing you are supposed to admit, but sometimes it happens! And I love Danes’ incredibly touching depiction of Beth, the best of the sisters. She isn’t a brat, she isn’t holier than thou, she isn’t a rebel, she is just the best. AND THEN SHE DIES. Oh come on you guys, if you didn’t know that, you obviously don’t even watch Friends.

6. Yvaine.
Speaking of movies that are better than their book: Stardust. If you have not seen the delightful little film about a boy who captures a shooting star (Danes) to impress the girl he thinks he wants to marry, you are missing out on the cutest love story ever. I quite drunkenly tried to explain how adorable this movie is to my bartender and my Sam Malone the other night (funny because the Sam to my Diane isn’t my bartender, but my bartender was there), and they just thought I was crazy, but I think I was doing a pretty good job explaining the movie, I just think I could have said “Claire Danes is so blonde and beautiful in it!” like four times less than I did.

But she is! So shiny! When she lights up around Tristan, are you kidding me! It’s like the cutest thing in any movie ever.

7. She acted in a Steve Martin book turned movie!

Mirabelle: Ray, why don’t you love me? Are you just biding your time with me?
Ray: I thought you understood.
Mirabelle: So, I can either hurt now or hurt later.

And I don’t know if you guys ever read Steve Martin’s books, but he is a mastermind in all aspects of life. The Pleasure of My Company is probably my favorite, but I’m a Shopgirl fan fo sho, and Danes is the best part.

Her honesty. Her delivery, in all of her roles, is so honest.

8. She is the better sister.
Alright guys, listen. The Family Stone is one of my favorite movies, and no, not just Christmas movies, but like “any time” movies, and partially that stems from the fact that it is categorized as one of the movies that makes me cry every single time. This and Stepmom, and now Silver Linings Playbook, but I have only seen that twice, so ask me in a year or two. Sarah Jessica Parker plays Danes’ older sister who struggles to make any connection with her soon-to-be-fiance’s family, so Danes’ character Julie comes to celebrate Christmas with them in order to support her difficult-to-love sister, and they all love Julie because she is more eloquent, and she never even played that diva Carrie Bradshaw in a television show, she played a down-to-earth grunge girl in a television show.

But jokes aside, I love what happens with Meredith (SJP) and Ben (Luke Wilson), and Julie and Everett (Dermot Mulroney–sex me up, please), so all in all, this is one of my favorite Danes’ films.

9. She had a baby!
…I just feel like a huge jerk listing someone’s “greatest things,” and not including their kid. Cyrus is a cute name. Now let’s get to the best thing.

10. SHE PLAYED JULIET ALONGSIDE LEO’S ROMEO.
I could, no exaggeration, watch this movie every single day of my life and be really happy with my choice to do so.

I could leave you with that picture, but I will talk it out for a bit more. Seriously though, I really do adore Baz Luhrman’s depiction of Romeo + Juliet and not just because I am obsessed with Leo DiCaprio’s flippy bangs, but because I think Danes and DiCaprio’s chemistry is out-of-this-world-perfect for the pretty strange dynamic between the two teenagers who are a bit bigger than their britches. She does an incredible job, and I think she was 16 or 17 when this movie came out. You know what I was doing at 16 or 17? Working at a movie theater, pining after a man who had spiky gel hair and about three feet of height to his name. Danes was macking on Leo, and breaking our hearts with her representation of the oldest love story in all of history. (Sorry Adam and Eve, but I don’t even like apples.)

To Miss Danes, a very happy birthday to you. Keep up the great work!

…like I was just going to post ONE picture of them together? Give me a break!

Featured image via , Friends image via , Danes and DiCaprio image via fanpop

You May Like