10 Insane Things I Would Do For A Raise
Recently, NYC real estate company Rapid Realty started offering their employees pay raises if they did one simple task: get a tattoo of the company’s logo. Employees could get the tattoo done anywhere, and it could be any size; for instance, one employee had her logo inked behind her ear and was awarded a 15% raise.
This phenomenon started within the company when an employee called up the CEO (Anthony Lolli) and told him he just got the company’s logo inked on his body. Lolli thought it was the greatest idea ever, so he paid him and then started offering this extreme measure of devotion and advertisement to all of his employees with the incentive of bonus cash. Plus, Lolli pays the tattoo artists for their work.
Is this the craziest thing you would do for extra money? I mean, we’re not talking arranged marriages or death here. No witchcraft, selling souls or kidneys (but I mean, come on. We have two kidneys, right?). I personally am capable of many things when it comes to my career. Such as:
1. Transforming my car into a billboard
You guys. My car is this ancient Toyota Camry. My left side-view mirror is three shades different than the rest of the car, and when I was 16 I thought it was a good idea to permanently adhere like, ten bumper stickers that all say “Amoeba Records”. If the company I worked for asked me to paint their logo all over my vehicle, I would totally jump on this with glee. I might not be the coolest driver on the freeway, but trust me, my car has seen worse days.
2. Solely wearing clothes that advertise the company for which I work
If I was given the opportunity to replace my entire wardrobe for clothes that had my company’s logo or mascot plastered everywhere in exchange for a decent pay raise, I would probably do it. I mean, I might miss my clothes and maybe sneak my favorite hoodie on when nobody was watching, but I could most likely handle this for awhile.
3. Wearing a costume to work… every day
My fiancé just shared a story with me as I was coming up with all the crazy things I would do for extra money. Apparently, when he was 15 and worked at a grocery store, he was forced to wear a big chicken suit all day for a week straight. I don’t think he was even given any extra money. I think he did it for the glory. I could so wear some kind of crazy, stuffy costume for a week, even two weeks, for that raise!
4. Adopting a very strategic diet
When I was 16, I worked at Panera Bread. Instead of packing a lunch to work like any sane person working at a BREAD SHOP would, I just ate Panera every single day I worked. I got 60% off, so I was totally psyched off all the bread and pastries and soup I could eat. These days, it would take a lot more than a discount to persuade me to eat a company’s food every single day, especially if I worked for a Kale company. Can you imagine? Kale every single day? I can, if there is a bonus involved.
5. Walking my boss’ dogs for the rest of my life
This is practically like signing up for a free gym membership. I wouldn’t be bitter about this at all. I mean, it’s easier than baby-sitting, because dogs don’t really get bored, miss their parents, or refuse to eat their dinners. Dogs are pretty much always happy and love the small things in life, like tennis balls and fast moving objects.
6. Bring home-made apple pies to work every day
Did I ever mention that I am super good at baking pies? And it’s a fact that everyone loves pies.
7. Pulling a Dwight Schrute
And sabotage all of my co-workers. Except that I’m actually a super nice person and could never actually pull off being mean to people. And I would just end up with my favorite cardigan entombed in Jell-O. Worth it? Maybe.
8. Creating a jingle
For every single day of the week at work and every single occasion! I could write songs like “It’s Been Six Months And Nobody Has Gotten Hurt At Work!” or “Yay, Julia Made A Sale Today!” that boost morale and create a fun work environment.
9. Never watch Game of Thrones again
Not only would I agree to never watch Game of Thrones again (there are the books, suckers!!!) but I will sit there and not silently freak out while everyone is talking about which major character got their head chopped off this week.
10. Work tirelessly, welcoming late nights and weekend shifts
Or maybe I’ll just figure something out with the first 9….