Those signs you’re with the wrong person (even if you don’t want to believe it)

Relationships are grand, but I’m of the school of thought that I’d rather be in no relationship at all than in a bad one. Some relationships start out sweet and then turn sour, others are iffy right from the get-go. Others are perfectly good, but the fact remains that the person you’re with just isn’t quite right for you. If you’re wondering if you’re with the wrong person, here are some signs you just might be:

1. You have that nagging feeling something just isn’t right. This is the most subtle of the signs, because that feeling of “not rightness” can be something going on at work, or crappy weather, or what you ate for lunch, but it also might be your relationship. Give the feeling time to pass in case it is one of the more transient causes, but if you can’t shake that queasy feeling in the pit of your stomach, maybe it’s time to start really thinking about if your relationship is one you truly want to be in. 2. Your relationship isn’t the greatest one you’ve ever been in. I have this theory that every relationship you’re in should be your best one ever. If it isn’t, you know you can do better because you actually already have in the past, so shouldn’t you be trying for it in the future?

3. Your friends or family seem to be avoiding your partner. While the fact remains that the only person whose opinion of your relationship really matters is you, your friends and family generally tend to be people with your best interests at heart. If you find that your friends seem to bail on plans as soon as you mention your significant other will be in attendance, consider if they’re trying to subtly hint at something. Maybe they really just don’t see what you see in this person, but maybe they’re not blinded by infatuation and can see that this person isn’t treating you as well as you deserve.

4. They told you they don’t love you. You’d think this wouldn’t have to be on a list, but as someone who’s had a friend go “Well, he says he doesn’t love me anymore, what do you think that means?” I’m going to go ahead and state the obvious. If someone you care about tells you point blank that they don’t love you, that’s not someone you should be with.

5. You can’t imagine a future with them, or you can’t stop imagining what your future looks like without them.

There are some people who are really fun in the moment, but when you try and imagine what your relationship might look like in five or ten years, you come up blank. Maybe it’s because you have some fundamental differences of opinion (whether or not you want kids, where you want to live), maybe it’s just someone wildly inappropriate you’re dating because you’re young and you can. This can be a perfectly right person for you if you’re not looking for a long-term commitment, but if you want something lasting and don’t see it with the person you’re with, then they’re not the right one. By the same token, if you can’t stop daydreaming about what your life might look like after they’re no longer a part of it, maybe it’s time to make that dream a reality.

6. There’s someone else who is the right one for you.

Let’s get some things straight: love triangles are messy and cheating just leads to people getting hurt. But if you know there’s someone out there who you’re more interested in than the person you’re with and the feeling’s mutual, you might just owe it to everyone involved to give it a try.

7. You keep making excuses to stay with the person.

“Well, we live together, so just until the lease is up.” “We just bought tickets for a cruise, so maybe after that’s over.” “Well, it’s wedding season and I don’t want to go alone.” If you’re at this point, you probably know your relationship isn’t the right one, but you can always find a reason to put off that breakup. Sure, some of these things might lead to wonderful memories. You can keep finding excuses forever, so it might be better to just bite the bullet before you wake up one morning and realize you wasted years with someone you might not even have liked that much.8. You cry more than you laugh. This is my #1 litmus test for whether or not I should stay with a person. If your relationship with someone reduces you to secret tears in the bathroom at work more often than it generates uncontrollable laughter, this is not the relationship for you. Yes, all relationships have rough patches and some of us are more emotional than others, but a relationship absolutely should make you happy more often than it makes you sad.