8 reasons it’s totally cool if you wait to marry your partner

Every long-term couple gets asked the big question at some point in their relationship: Are you guys going to get married? Sometimes it comes from your parents, sometimes your friends. The question can also come from a coworker or even a nosy stranger. No matter who it is, it’s never comfortable to answer — even if you do think you are going to get hitched at some point.

While it’s easier said than done, you should never feel like you have to answer to anybody else when it comes to your love life. It’s annoying, but there is still a lot of pressure from mainstream society to do things a certain way. You meet, date, fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after, blah, blah, blah. But you’re your own person, and you and your SO can wait as long as you’d like before you decide to say your vows.

Here are eight reasons it’s totally cool to take your time marrying your partner.

You get to know each other really, really well.

Obviously, right?! No, but really, you might think you know each other a few years in, but there could be some things that have been left unsaid. Like, how do they feel about friendships with exes? If they want kids, how do they plan to split up child-rearing tasks? What’s their definition of adultery?

Without the topic of marriage looming, you’ll have more time to let the answers to these questions come organically. Nothing is more stressful than rushing through a huge list of heavy questions during the few weeks before the big day.

You get to know each other’s family and friends better, too. 

Often it can take a bit longer for your BFFs to be as close with your partner as you want them to be. They could use a little extra time to get to know each other and become buddies in their own right. The same might be true for you and your sweetheart’s family, as painful as that may sound initially. The better everyone gets along, the better the rest of your lives will be, to put it simply. Plus, nobody wants to enter the wedding planning phase when there’s some beef between the families, right?

It gives you more time to get some things done for yourself.

This isn’t to say that you can’t continue to slay and be totally successful after you get hitched. But there might be a few things you want to check off the list before you sign those papers. For example, you might want to get all the way through graduate school so you don’t have to worry about finishing your dissertation when wedding season hits. Or you might want to go travel for a while on your own. Whatever you choose to do, it will probably make you a happier, more content spouse in the long run, so it’s a win-win.

You can decide together how you want to spend the rest of your lives. 

You don’t exactly figure out the important stuff overnight. Couples who have been together a while have a strong foundation because they’ve sorted out what they want from their lives, and how they want to make it happen. Without buying into the pressure of getting married fast, you’ll be able to talk about these important decisions in your own time.

You can save up more money to have the exact wedding you want.

If you’re the kind of person who knows what kind of wedding you want and when you want it, more power to you. You could really benefit from waiting a little bit on sending out the invitations, then, because those receptions ain’t cheap! I’ve witnessed so many newly-wedded couples fall into an overwhelming amount of stress because of the financial debt they got caught up in from the wedding planning. No need to put yourself through that kind of anxiety if you can help it. Besides, if this is a special day for you, you want to give yourself plenty of time to plan it exactly how you want it.

You can get your finances in order for other things, as well.

Sorry, John Lennon, but we need a little more than love to get along in life. While money is far from the most important thing in your relationship, it does help to have a few things ironed out in the finances department. The longer you’re together, the easier it’ll be for the two of you to discuss money matters, and you’ll probably have an easier time transitioning into marriage if you’re solid in that arena.

Getting married isn’t necessarily the biggest goal in life…

Don’t worry about rushing to the altar, because tying the knot isn’t the end all be all. While getting married is wonderful, we often place even more importance on marriage than career milestones or other achievements. If this isn’t what you value most, that’s okay! Maybe taking your sweet time deciding when (or if) to marry is just what you need to move away from the notion that marriage means everything.

…and it also doesn’t have to be the utmost commitment.

It is for some, but it doesn’t have to be for everyone — including you. You can be just as committed to each other when you’re dating as when you’re engaged or married. This might be hard to explain to your old-fashioned parents (like mine), but as long as you and your partner know how much you mean to each other, that’s really all that counts. At the end of the day, you only have to answer to each other — and you’re the only ones who have a real say about how you conduct your relationship.