7 Questions You Should Always Ask On a First Date, According to Experts
You know, just in case the "love at first sight" thing doesn't work out.
First dates can have you feeling a mix of emotions. Whether it’s excitement, nervousness, or even dread, the first date with someone can feel like a lot of pressure. After all, first impressions are everything and this is also your chance to find out if the person you’re interested in could fit into your life or be “the one.”
All things considered, figuring out what to ask someone the first time you go out can be tough and will have you questioning everything. How deep of a question is too deep? Is it considered too soon to ask questions about their job and family?
“When on a first date, it’s important to balance between keeping things light [and] gathering the data you need to decide whether or not this individual may be viable relationship material, assuming that’s what you want,” relationship expert, Dr. Jessica Griffin, tells HelloGiggles. “Many experts are going to tell you to avoid the following: religion, politics, finances, or talking about past relationships; however, assuming that you can receive their answers with an open mind, I think it’s reasonable to ask about these topics.”
To put your mind at ease and help you get the best idea of what kind of questions you should ask on a first date, we talked to two relationship experts, Dr. Rachel DeAlto, and Dr. Griffin, who (fun fact) both worked on the Lifetime show Married at First Sight. Here’s what they had to say.
First Date Questions to Ask:
1. Ask anything about their priorities and values.
This is a broad topic, but it also gives you room to decide how far you want to go with these questions. Do you want to find out what their morals and religious views are, or would you rather ask about their work-life balance? Either way, their answers can be huge in telling you who they are.
“It doesn’t have to be a serious series of questions, but more questions like ‘What do you like to do, how do you spend your time, what makes you happy?'” Dr. DeAlto tells us. “True compatibility comes from a matching of values mixed with chemistry. We often focus so much on where do you see yourself in one, five, 10 years, but that’s only a piece of the puzzle.”
2. Ask if they make their bed every morning.
Let’s be honest—most of us can be a little lazy, but if you are a neat freak and would prefer to date someone who feels the same (or the opposite), this could be pretty important. And it says a lot more about your date than how they like to keep their bed.
“How they respond tells you a lot about their need to have order and organization as well as a level of discipline and, sometimes, rigidity,” Dr. Griffin says, adding that it’s also good to find out whether they’re a morning person or not and how long it takes them to get ready in the morning, since that can help you determine if they’re high-maintenance or not.
3. Ask how they spend their weekends.
Dr. Griffin says that finding out how they like to spend their days off—as well as what their typical workday looks like—will help you find out about their interests, priorities, and how they like to socialize. These are all important to know in deciding if you’re compatible or not (or if your social lives will be).
4. Ask about their family and childhood.
Asking about these topics is pretty basic when it comes to first dates, but the answers to these questions can also be revealing. Dr. Griffin advises asking about who they’re closest to just to get a little information on the relationships in their lives. As for their childhood, “This will likely give you clues about how their past may have informed their present as well as engaging them in stories about growing up,” she says.
5. Ask about their regrets or embarrassing moments.
“By sharing regrets, embarrassing moments, or even shameful experiences, the other person becomes more vulnerable and this is a way to build intimacy in the very beginning stages of a relationship,” Dr. Griffin says. Plus, this will help determine if they are okay with being vulnerable about their most embarrassing moments or not.
6. Ask what their dreams are for five years from now.
“If you could wave a magic wand and have your life exactly the way you wanted, what would it look like five years from now?” Dr. Griffin suggests asking. “This is a therapist’s million-dollar question because it helps us identify goals, and their answer will help flesh out what their priorities are at the current moment (e.g. career, family, finances, location) as well as whether they are able to think through goals and objectives for their lives.”
7. And if all else fails, ask about their very worst date.
“Unless their answer is ‘this date,’ this can usually lead to comic relief and a shared laugh or two,” Dr. DeAlto says. “Just be prepared to describe your worst date, too.” And laughing with someone? That’s an awesome way to see if you have the same sense of humor, which is also important.
Hopefully, these questions will give you plenty of material to work with the next time you find yourself on a first date—and who knows? Maybe they could help you find the person of your dreams.