6 questions you should ask in the first month of dating if you want things to last
No two dating timelines are the same, but regardless of how you pace yourself on the road to romance, there are a few critical questions you should ask someone during the first month of dating if you ~really~ want things to last.
Regardless of how experienced you are, dating is tricky territory. Even with all the expert tips, dating apps designed for women, lazy people, and soulmate-seekers — along with all those movies about dating that show us what and what not to do — humans still find a way to complicate things.
Hopefully, after 30 days of hanging out with this still-shiny-and-new individual, you’ve covered all the pertinent first date questions and gotten some of the awkwardness out of the way, so you’ll feel more comfortable delving a little deeper with the personal questions (read: gettin’ ALL up in their biz).
You know you want things to last, but there’s nothing worse than falling for someone only to realize your compatibility is severely lacking or that their romantic intentions don’t align with yours.
1When was your last relationship and why did it end?
Just so you know, opening up this can of worms might be a little tew much for the first date. After all, it’s kind of hard to focus on getting acquainted with someone new if you launch right into the ol’ “this is how my last relationship” ended convo.
But by the first month of seeing this person, there should be a level of comfort that makes this question easier to pose, and also an expected one, if we’re being completely honest. How, when, and why your date’s last relationship broke off can tell you whether there are long-term intentions there or if they’re looking for something more casual.
2What are your political views?
This is a heavy one, but totally necessary seeing as how dating someone with different political views can mean that you two have opposing beliefs that can make navigating a relationship extremely difficult, or in some cases, completely impossible.
3How’s your relationship with your family?
It is true that you’re dating this person and not their relatives, but the status of their familial relationships — and more importantly, how they deal with them — contains clues as to whether this starry-eyed start can continue to develop into something more serious.
This isn’t to say that people who come from dysfunctional families can’t make wonderful partners, but knowing about a person’s family background can reveal important details, like how they handle conflict and the lens through which they view relationships. Also, you might get answers to questions you didn’t ask, like whether they want kids or how they feel about marriage.
4Are you seeing other people?
Honestly, this sounds intrusive, but hey, it’s been a whole month! It’s important to know so you don’t put all your stock in someone who’s exploring options.
5What are some of your goals?
This is a broad one, but the response is could definitely offer signals about the future trajectory of the romance. A 2013 study from the Journal of Happiness Studies found a correlation between partners’ conflicting goals and the well-being of their relationship:
"Results showed that both partners' reports of higher goal conflict were directly associated with lower relationship quality and lower subjective well-being. Lower relationship quality was, in turn, also associated with lower subjective well-being. Furthermore, one partner's report of goal conflict was indirectly related to the other partner's subjective well-being through relationship quality."
6Are you looking for something long-term?
Are they even seeking something that will go the distance, or are they totally not into the whole exclusivity thing? If you’re interested in something that will last, it’s crucial to know if that’s even a remote possibility with the person you’re dating.
