Note to Self: Be Kind to You

Hey girl,

Quick question, why is it when it comes to friends and family you are not only their biggest support but also their fiercest defender, and yet you are unable to extend those same traits to yourself?

Women are scrutinized, criticized, and judged by society much harsher than our male counterparts. So, naturally, you do this too. Instead of building yourself up, you are destroying your self worth with the constant comparisons, self doubt, and nit picking.

The time for you to revaluate the relationship you have with yourself is long overdue.

Comparing yourself to others is probably your greatest downfall. Yes, you wish you were Mindy Kaling, or that you could catwalk like Naomi Campbell, or had a body like Halle Berry when she comes out of the ocean in that Bond movie; completely understandable. However, in order to be happy with who you are – to truly be happy – you have to be the best version of yourself and measure yourself against your own standards, not those of a friend, family member, or celebrity. Take some of that unconditional love you give to your loved ones, and give it to yourself.

Do not allow the numerous insecurities to take over. Instead, allow the traits that you wish to posses to manifest themselves by simply believing in them. I know it sounds very ‘Kum Ba Yah,’ but there is a reason they say ‘fake it till you make it.’ The fact is, if you portray a confidence you do not feel, in time some of it will feel real and natural. So, go ahead and believe in your smarts, in your looks, in the strut of your step, and eventually what may have started out as pretend will become real, and others will see this side of you that you are portraying and respond accordingly.

Take some time to disconnect and enjoy your own company. Spend time alone and gain a better understanding of who you are and what it is you desire in life. In the same way you make quality time for a friend, take time for yourself; just a moment to get re-acquainted.

I know you have made mistakes, some small and some astronomical both personally and professionally. Guess what? It’s not over. There will be more mistakes made in the future. Train yourself into knowing that a mistake is not the end of the world, that nothing comes from hours spent on remorse or beating yourself up over it. Instead, focus on moving past the mistake if there is a lesson then learn from it; if there is none, then accept that you are flawed and give yourself a break.

Learn to self comfort, to dry your own tears and then to pep talk yourself into climbing back onto the figurative horse. Believe in yourself by being your biggest cheerleader. Do not allow your happiness to be dictated by external forces, be them material or emotional. Even your own shadow leaves you when the darkness comes, learn that the only person that will always be there for you is you.

Naturally, you want people to be proud of you, but it is impossible to meet everyone’s expectations – even if their expectations coincide with your own. It is impossible to be the person everyone else wants you to be, stop trying to be so many things for everyone and be true to yourself. Live up to your own expectations and accept the version of yourself that might be slightly different from what friends, family, and even society expect or want from you.

Be kind to yourself. You deserve it.



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