How to cope if you’re a night owl and your partner is a morning person

We should be used to the amount of time in a day by now, but there seriously never seems to be enough. Most of us try to use our free time to enjoy our passions and hobbies, as well as to relax and be with loved ones. If you’re in a romantic relationship, you probably want to hang out with your special person most of the time. Should be easy enough, right? Not if you’re a night owl and your significant other is a morning person (or vice versa).

If you’re a night owl, you’ll want to sleep in on weekends, but your partner will be up bright and early, bursting with energy and ready to face the day. Once you’re actually awake, you may want to party all night long — or at least Netflix into the wee hours of the morning — but your beau will likely be out cold by then. It’s difficult when there are so many things you both want to do, but you seem to have a hard time being on the same page at the same hour. Luckily, there are ways to make life easier and happier for you and your love. Here’s how to cope if you’re a night owl and your partner’s a morning person.

Use your alone time/off-hours well.

Aside from time at the office or school, chances are both you and your partner have a lot of responsibilities that take time. When you have housework, side hustles, or creative projects that call for attention, try doing them when your partner is in bed. If your partner is a morning person and you’re not, they can study/catch up on work/play video games or whatever they do when you’re sleeping or getting ready for the day. Same goes for you at night. When your significant other is winding down or sleeping, go work out or do something that you want to get done but don’t necessarily need them around for doing. That way, when you both are feeling alert at once, you won’t have a big pile of things to do that will keep you from getting quality time together.

Help make things easier for each other during the times when you know you’re struggling.

Obviously, we can’t only do stuff when we want to, or when we’re most energized. It’s part of life that we have to keep moving when we’re tired, but we can make those times easier for our partners — if we have more energy at the time to do so. If you’re a morning person and your partner isn’t, rather than bugging them to wake up when you want to, go make coffee for yourself, enjoy it, and then bring them some when they’re ready for it. That coffee will help your partner wake up and will likely be much appreciated! Similarly, if you’re energized late into the night and your partner is tired, rather than keeping them up to hang out, you can unwind and watch a show you want to catch up on — if they’re not a light sleeper, you can chill next to them while doing so. If you’re still a bundle of energy, you could make them lunch to take to work the next day.

Be willing to compromise.

Sometimes there are going to be things either of you wants to do that may not mesh with the other person’s preferred sleep schedule. That’s OK. Compromise when you can. Aim to avoid planning stuff mostly for the time of day or night most comfortable for you and not your partner. Be sure to let them know you appreciate the sacrifice they’re making, when appropriate.

In addition to compromising, be understanding.

No matter what you do to cope when you’re a night owl and your partner is a morning person, it’s important to be understanding of your differences. You shouldn’t try to change the other person. It won’t work, likely, and it won’t make either of you happy. Instead, know that you two are different and one way is not more right or better than the other. Realize that you feel most alive at different parts of the day, and that’s OK. It’s really not that big of a deal. In fact, it can even be a good thing.

Because when someone makes a sleepy night-owl breakfast, the morning will probably seem a lot better. And that night owl can always use extra energy to help their morning person relax and go to sleep by giving an evening massage. When you’re a night owl and your partner is a morning person, try to make the most of the situation with respect and love for the other person, and you’ll do just fine.