Stephanie Hallett
Updated Feb 17, 2017 @ 3:41 pm
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Decisions that come out of federal trade court are not usually all that exciting (you can guess why). But this week, a court ruled that Snuggies are blankets, not robes or other clothing items, and we have some serious concerns about that.

The Court of International Trade’s decision affects how Snuggies — you know, the fleece sleeved item everyone has received as a joke and then immediately fallen in love with — are tariffed. The Justice Department argued that Snuggies, like priestly vestments, should be charged a higher duty, but the court said that because Snuggies open in the back, they can’t be considered clothing.

Look, we recognize this decision is good for Snuggie. It means the company continues to pay a lower tariff, keeping the price of our favorite ~blankets~ down. And really, the company markets its product as a “blanket with sleeves,” and as Judge Mark Barnett pointed out in his decision, “Retail packaging depicts people wearing the Snuggie in the types of situations one might use a blanket; for example, while seated or reclining on a couch or bed, or outside cheering a sports team.”

But we just want to offer the tiniest bit of proof that Snuggies can be worn as clothing, for the sake of argument.

Because really, could you wear a blanket to Disney’s Magic Kingdom?

Could you wear a blanket to school?

Could you wear a blanket on a bar crawl?

Could you wear a blanket to the office?

And could you wear a blanket to play the GD piano like a GD boss?

And one more thing: Does your blanket turn you into freaking Santa Claus?

Of course not. Your honor, we rest our case.