Gramercy Pictures
Angelica Florio
June 24, 2017 2:04 pm

In case you’re asking yourself, “What did I miss? Stolen TOE?!” here’s a quick catch-up: A bar in Dawson City, Canada sells a drink called a Sourtoe Cocktail which is basically what it sounds like — that is, a drink with a dehydrated and preserved human toe in it. Oh, is that not what you imagined? Yeah, we were being pretty literal. How’s that for a spooky cocktail?

But wait! It gets weirder. On June 18th, it was reported that the Dawson City human toe being used for said cocktails was stolen from the Downtown Hotel bar called the Sourdough Saloon. If you haven’t read the media release about the incident, you need to — it includes such delightful quotes as, “Toes are very hard to come by,” and, “We fortunately have a couple back up toes but we really need this one back,” from Terry Lee, the “Toe Captain” at the Downtown Hotel.

Predictably, the internet went crazy over this stolen-toe case, but now it’s closed as the Sourtoe official toe was returned — with an apology letter.

What did the letter say? “Sorry I stole your mummified toe, my B!”??

It’s all so wonderfully bizarre! And Twitter was there to provide the toe-puns (thank goddess).

Oh yes, they went there! Perhaps the best part of this toe debacle is the news release from the Royal Canadian Mountain Police. It includes the statement, “Located inside the package was an apology letter, as well as the stolen toe.” And, “At the time that the package was opened, the toe was believed to be in good condition.”

Now that the toe has been returned, people can get back to drinking the toe in its traditional fashion.

According to Atlas Obscura, the bar’s rules for drinking the toe-garnished cocktail is, “you can drink it fast, you can drink it slow, but your lips have gotta touch the toe.”

And in case you’re wondering what this toe even looks like, well, here you go.

As one Twitter user put it, this really is the “most Canadian crime ever.” The toe thief was very apologetic as he (police identified a male suspect) called both the Dawson City police department and the Downtown Hotel to alert them that he had put the toe in the mail (with its apology letter) and that he was sorry for stealing the iconic artifact.

What a pleasant end to this very bizarr-toe story. Or is it stoery? We just don’t toe anymore.

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