Alyssa Thorne
October 20, 2016 1:10 pm

We’ve done it. We’ve found the absolute most chill man in America. While he was driving, a freakin’ six foot snake popped up on his windshield and he didn’t immediately crash. Personally, we would’ve intentionally driven the car off a cliff, because there’s no other reasonable way to handle that situation — like, it’s a snake. On your car. While you’re driving. Unexpectedly. It’s basically the worst thing that has EVER happened to anybody, and this dude is just like, yeah, hey, let me take a video. So we reiterate: the MOST CHILL man in America.

Behold: Tim Mokwa’s video of this HORRIFYING incident.

We didn’t even know this was a thing that could ever possibly happen. On our list of fears this never even ranked because it’s just so out there and TERRIBLE our minds couldn’t conceive of it until we saw it happen.

Obviously this video was instantly picked up by news stations and went viral, because apparently there are some people who find this… funny? Or enjoyable to watch? We watched it once and are seriously ISO those memory worm things from Doctor Who to help us forget that this ever happened, so we just don’t understand how it racked up so many views.

On the upside, now that we know this is a thing that can happen, we know to obsessively check under our hoods before getting in the car to make sure there is no SNAKE lurking there. (Although, like… what do we do with it if we find one. Please help.)

Another silver lining — at least it wasn’t raining, because if he had turned on his windshield wipers without realizing, we would’ve discovered an even MORE horrifying prospect: an AIRBORNE snake. Hard pass, thanks.

Also ISO: A way to get on the waitlist for the Mars colony, because we think there are no snakes there and that sounds GREAT.

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