Food and Wine
October 04, 2018 2:05 pm

You don’t really know how much you love doughnuts until you’re faced with the decision of whether or not it’s worth it to snatch one from the hands of a scary clown. And not scary in the way that your garden variety birthday clown is scary—we’re talking full-on, It-style, smeared face paint and pointy fangs. Yes, Hurts Donut—a mini-chain with locations throughout the Midwest and the South (you’ll find the most outposts in Missouri)—is at it again with their “Scary Clown Deliveries,” a service originally introduced last Halloween.

From now through the end of the month, you can have a terrifying, Pennywise-esque clown (red balloons and all) bring a dozen doughnuts to your friend’s (or enemy’s) doorstep. “Wanna scare the sh… Shprinkles out of your friends!?” one location in Katy, Texas wrote on Facebook. “SCARY CLOWN DELIVERIES.”

The service costs $5 (plus the cost of said box of doughnuts) and, judging by the clip below, seems totally worth it.

Basically, the clown will slowly advance towards your unsuspecting bud-slash-nemesis, and—without speaking or breaking eye contact with them—honk his clown-horn with increasing intensity until they finally take his box of doughnuts. It looks like a real bad time! But, one that ends in the enjoyment of delicious doughnuts (some sample flavors from Hurts: Fruity Pebbles, cotton candy, and Samoa).

To arrange a clown-gram, check your nearest Hurts Donut Facebook page to see if they’re offering the service, then call to set up a time and place. And, if you’re still looking for a reason to send one (and are having trouble dredging up old grudges), the chain’s Frisco, Texas outpost has some ideas.

“So, Steve ate your yogurt with his bathrobe open? Send him a scary clown delivery,” it says on Frisco’s Facebook page. “Brandan brought his acoustic guitar to work in case any girls wanted to ‘feel what’s in his soul?’ Send him a scary clown delivery.” Or, just wait until Valentine’s Day! That’s when Hurts rolls out its “Cupid Delivery,” featuring a grown man wearing a diaper and feathered wings, while doing an interpretive dance.

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