C. Molly Smith
March 16, 2018 10:32 am

If you haven’t watched Netflix’s new baking reality show Nailed It, cancel any and all plans because it’s a T-R-E-A-T. But fair warning: Nailed It isn’t like any baking show you’ve seen before.

No, no, no, no, no. Nailed It shows amateur (KEY WORD: AMATEUR) bakers attempting to recreate some pretty complicated baked goods. Sometimes the results aren’t half bad; but more often than not, the creations are next-level bake-tastrophes that are so far from what they were meant to look at taste like. Like, they aren’t even close, but that’s exactly what makes this show hilarious as hell.

That in mind, here are the worst of the worst baking disasters from Netflix’s Nailed It, because it’s the end of the week and you deserve a good laugh. Or, like a thousand. If you’re anything like me, you won’t stop laughing…

Vodka-Soaked Cake Pop

Here we have an attempt at recreating a divorce-themed vodka-soaked cake pop, but host Nicole Byer is spot on in likening the results to a crime scene. “So the original looks like a cartoon heart that’s broken. This looks like this was ripped out of a human being,” she quipped. Maybe the contestant has a future in props??? (Whispers: Remember me when your creations make it onto Law & Order.)


Sylvia Weinstock Wedding Cake

Contestants had to recreate an extravagantly designed, three-tiered wedding cake by guest judge and wedding cake wonder Weinstock — NETFLIX, I NEED MORE OF SYLVIA, PLEASE AND THANK YOU — and things, um, took a turn for the worse. Especially where this bright blue disaster — which Weinstock described as “edible” — is concerned. Honestly, this might just cause a couple to wonder if someone was out to break up their marriage…


Pirate Donuts

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate donut this was supposed to be…Yeah, to say this contestant didn’t exactly nail the baker’s choice challenge would be an understatement. Like, this pirate has zero defining features, or even a face. “I created three, tired, psychedelic pirates,” the contestant explained of her undercooked pastries, and sure…we’ll give her that.


The Princess Tower Cake

“I don’t mean to laugh but your princess is terrifying,” Byer said. “And I don’t think anybody’s coming to rescue her.” You can say terrifying again! To make matters worse, the baker gave this princess the scariest — but also, most hilarious — of voices. But guess what??? Apparently the cake was tasty AF (enough) and the baker behind tonight’s nightmare fuel went on to win the $10,000 prize!


Shark Attack Cake

Alright, so this one doesn’t look that bad, but you may or may not notice that it’s much shorter than the OG shark attack cake. Well, that’s because the contestant failed to frost his cake between layers, causing almost all of those layers to COME TUMBLING DOWN. It was a baking train wreck, but one you couldn’t help but stare (and cackle) at.


Cupcakes and Cocktails

Honestly, this cupcake/cocktail combo doesn’t seem *too* difficult to pull off, but apparently it was for this baker, who didn’t let her cupcake cool off enough before icing (but, it did taste good, apparently).“I think Mr. Fancy had some of the Manhattan and kind of just face-planted down the subway tunnel,” the baker said. “He drank too much.” Not to mention, we got a cupcake “death scene,” with dramatic music as the icing slid off in slow motion, and LOL.


Volcano Cake

For this food experiment, contestants were tasked with recreating a volcano and its surrounding landscape and dinosaurs (with an erupting feature!). Don’t know about you, but the attempt at a dinosaur below looks more like the alien from Alien? Also, WHY IS THE “DINOSAUR” THE SIZE OF THE VOLCANO?? Also of note: The contestant didn’t carve her cake as instructed, and put *way* too much icing on it to compensate — but like, follow your dreams, girl.


Emoji Cake

So, emojis are meant to, like, convey emotion — and I guess this cake conveys…confusion? But, it was (clearly) meant to be the famed flirty-kissy face. The judges gave the contestant props for at least putting a cake together, but in a baking competition…that’s not exactly saying much. And don’t even get me started on this fondant situation, or lack thereof. Even so, should this new emoji be added to the emoji library? That’s rhetorical, because OF COURSE IT SHOULD.


Self-Portrait Sugar Cookies

The first challenge from the season finale required contestants to make self-portrait sugar cookies — and let me tell you, the baker behind this cookie looks nothing like the sweet treat catastrophe. “Don’t be scared,” the contestant said as the judges hesitated to approach. Warning the judges not to be scared of your dessert pretty much says it all…


Donald Trump Cake

Where. To. Even. Begin. This Donald Trump cake, which was the second challenge in the season finale, may just be the scariest thing EVER. Y’all thought the above was nightmare fuel, but this takes the cake. “Your Trump looks like the stress has really gotten to him,” Byer said, and that can’t be retweeted enough. She later added, “From top to bottom, your cake is literally the wildest thing I’ve ever seen.” Okay, now THAT can’t be retweeted enough.


Now, don’t you feel a thousand times better about your own bake-tastrophes? Us too, and there’s a lot more where that came from, because Nailed It is currently streaming on Netflix.

Watch and be amazed, very amazed, at exactly how terribly things can go in the kitchen…